The boy next door

Therapy: Day four

I wake up and it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am and who I'm with. And when I do, I smile.

I open my eyes and look around. I'm faced to his wall with my back to him. I always sleep on this side it seems. It's like we're a couple, we stick to our own sides. He's never fallen asleep while holding me before though.

I turn around to him sleeping still. He always has such a serious face. Everyone tells him he looks mad 90% of the time. But with me, he's hardly ever serious. He's usually smiling and/or laughing. As am I. He's always being sassy and joking around and I'm always laughing until I cry. I have a sad resting face. And he has a serious/mad resting face. And we've showed those sides more in the last few weeks. It's good to be back to a good place. Our good place.

He's still breathing heavily. I smile and touch his messy bed hair. I twirl a big chunk of the most perfect shiny black hair around my finger. I'm covered in his smell and feeling of safe. I smooth his eyebrow next, for no reason other than to then touch his cheek, cupping it in my hand and rubbing it with my thumb a little. I've never touched him like this. So innocently, so gently, so...intimately. But he started it.

He also started the hugging. We have hugged before, but usually not so often and only in certain situations. But he hugged me the other night so...differently. We had just told each other we weren't going to give up on whatever it is we have, as messy as it may be. And then we hugged because of that. It was emotional and intimate. We have never hugged like that.

We have slept together, we have cuddled sometimes. But we have never fallen asleep like that. It doesn't seem like it would be comfortable. And at one point, I was going to move off of him because I thought he was uncomfortable and wouldn't be able to fall asleep that way. But he didn't say or do anything like that. He just let it happen.

Something has changed between us.

Once we were told to avoid each other, something switched on in both of us that just made us more connected. We are each other's strongest habit. And neither of us are ready to try and stop it.

His heavy breathing stops, so I take my hand away, which has been on his face for minutes.

I close my eyes immediately just where I am, and he moves a little. I hear the cute sleepy "mmm" as he stretches and probably opens his eyes. I try not to smile and do my best to pretend I'm still asleep. Not sure why, I guess I would feel a little creepy if he woke up to me touching his face.

To my surprise, I feel his warm hand on my face.

I try my best to keep my cool but can't help but smile and open my eyes.

He's smiling all sleepy when I do, his hand still on my face. I guess he doesn't care. Neither do I.

We smile until an alarm interrupts us.

He turns around to turn it off and then turns back to me.

"You set an alarm?" I smile, not even caring about my weird morning breath I probably have.

"I did," He smiles, "Because someone fell asleep early last night."

I laugh, "Oops." I didn't even mean to stay over, I just got tired I guess. Like the first time.

He laughs and smiles, "It's okay, I got it."

"I guess I should go then," I say.

"You don't have to," He smiles.

"Well I kind of want to actually shower and get dressed, unlike the last two times I showed up at therapy," I laugh.

He laughs, "Fair enough."