The boy next door

(Tuesday-Thursday)

~*~

Tuesday

The only good thing about crying is it helps me actually sleep.

I wake up thinking about having my mom call in and say I'm not going. She has always told me she will do that if I need a day off for any reason. And I probably would have, but I have a test today, and I should just go do it.

I get up eventually and walk like a sad zombie to the shower.

When I get downstairs, leggings, long-sleeved shirt, hair up because I can't be bothered, little make-up just to make me look not dead, what a beauty queen, mom's gone.

She leaves a note near the coffee machine telling her she loves me and it makes me smile a little. I draw a heart on it and make coffee.

I grab all my stuff and leave for school, not at all happy about it.

When I get to my locker, I unpack. I see some notes he's left me over the last week or so. I get sad and put them in my bag after unpacking.

I grab my coffee and walk to the café, sighing with every step.

I sit down at our table and Carrie is still in line.

When she comes to the table, I'm just staring at my coffee cup warming up my hands, not one sip taken. I don't know how long I've been looking at it.

"What's wrong?" She asks right away.

I look up at her with probably super sad eyes, and she takes me hands in comfort.

I take a breath and sigh it out, "I told Drew that we shouldn't see each other." Tears form.

"What?" She asks, like she's sad too, "Why?"

"It's all too much, Carrie," I say, "Worrying myself sick over him because of the past, and worrying about him just being late to school? That's too much for me to take, I can't do this all the time," Tears go down my face.

She hands me a napkin and I dab the tears away, holding it in my hands after.

"I care about him too much," I say, "Now it's starting to hurt." I look down at my napkin.

"I understand," She says softly.

I had to do it, for me. Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

I avoid him the best I can, and it seems like both of us are actually making the effort now. Which is sad. But at least we're following the rules...I guess.

He sits further back in math, I don't see him in the hallway, I take my test semi-successfully, and spend a little time in the library with Carrie doing some homework and just hanging out with her so I'm not alone for as long until Mom comes home later.

After I get home, I grab water and ice cream, also a spoon, and head upstairs. My bag falls to the floor, the water and ice cream fall onto my bed.

I change into yoga pants and a huge sweatshirt, take out my ponytail so my still wet hair falls naturally, and sit on my bed.

I drink the water and eat the rest of the ice cream with music on.

Then I lay on my bed looking up at the ceiling with a little stomach ache. And I cry.

It's a much more calm cry than yesterday.