Story of a Teenage Nothing

Comfort Food

"Men are assholes. Plain and simple." Lan said while stuffing chocolate chip pancakes into her mouth.

"Not all men. Just the liars, cheats, and jerks." Danielle retorted hugging my pillow.

"Hon, you just described 97% of the male population."

"Oh shut it! There are decent men out there. Just hard to find."

"No they aren't hard to find. There just isn't any TO find."

"That's not a very positive comment."

"Oh please. Vietnam, both world wars, and now this shit with Iraq. All begun by men. Trust me- Men are evil. Seriously the world would be better off without them."

"There wouldn't be a world without men. We need their seed, Lan."

"Ewww gross. Can you call it cum please? It's so much more appropriate."

At that Danielle huffed and attempted to suffocate herself with my pillow.

I laughed at Lan's comment. It was Sunday morning. Lan and Danielle had slept over last night. I was in dire straits. I was a big wet ball of gibberish. They scooped me off the lawn and together, worked to patch me up. It was a night filled with tissues, ice cream, Titanic and brownies. Thanks to their efforts I wasn't teary eyed, or hurt. I'm not sure what I feel like. It's like a void in my chest. Hollow.

"Kim this is why I don' t date anymore. Relationships just bring pain. But sex has never once let me down." Lan smirked.

"You know how I feel about sex before marriage. I wanna be married when I do that...or at least in love."

"Oh please Kim. Do you honestly believe that? You'll be thirty with no one by your side besides cats."

"I'd rather be alone than with a guy who only thinks with his di....area."

Lan snorted. "Wake up Kim. Everybody thinks with their 'area'."

"Yeah...that's a real shame."

"It's life. So either hop on or get left behind."

Dan bonked Lan over the head with Mr. Wobble, my plush penguin. That initiated a teddy bear fight to the death. I gazed dully as stuffed pandas, turtles, and dogs flew across the air. Normally I would've been distraught to see my babies treated thus. I couldn't bring myself to care at this moment. The looks on Lan's and Dan's faces were murderous. Though, I think despite what they may say, they grew on each other. Why else could they have stomached each other for more than 3 hours? Tragedy brings people together. That's what they say.

"Guys can you just quit it?" I said grabbing Freddie, my fuzzy golden retriever from Lan's claws just before she smacked Danielle upside the head.

"She started it!" Lan said crossing her arms. Danielle stuck out her tongue.

"You guys drive me insane." I said shaking my head.

"Ya but you love us...me....anyway " Dan replied haughtily.

"And how unfortunate for me. Well, it's almost eleven...you guys are gonna get going now ,right?"

"Trying to get rid of us ho?" Lan questioned.

"No you stupid betch. You have a job to get to remember?" I laughed.

"Aww but I was hoping you wouldn't remind me."

"Just take a sick day. It's not like that corner is going to miss you much." Danielle said under her breath.

"I heard that asshole." Lan glared. "I'll be off now. 

"Byre Lannie. Thanks for everything." I said giving her a hug.

"Good riddance!" Danielle said with enthusiasm. Lan retorted by giving Danielle the finger before leaving.

"Danielle, you aren't very courteous."

"As if I've ever been."

"Damn straight."

For the next hour we chatted, and ranted, while eating yesterdays leftovers and lunch. Soon Danielle's father came to pick her up.

"I'm going to have to be at the gym for hours. Last night did not hurt my diet. Not that I regretted being here but, look how big my butt is getting?" Danielle said while gazing at my standing mirror."

"I think you look ravishing." I said while waggling my eyebrows.

I made a jump to pounce on her but she managed to skirt through the doorway. She waved to me over her shoulder.

And then there was one.

I walked back to my bed where Lily, my rabbit, was waiting for me patiently, probably discarded by Danielle during the war. I know how it felt to be used. Lily needed comfort too. I smoothed her cornflower blue dress, speckled with tiny white flowers. I can't remember the day I actually got her. Lily just always...was. Reliable and loyal. Two very rare characteristics. I felt my eyes starting to sting but I refused to let them fall. I won't cry over people who aren't crying over me. I doubt that jackass even felt a shred remorse for what he did. That's my motto. Is it always fulfilled? No, but it's a good motto to stand by nonetheless. I should call Mellie. I never keep anything from her. Mel knows everything about me and I her. We're like Cheech and Chong...Frick and Frack...Yin and Yang. 

I want that kind of connection with someone else though...a boy. A kind, funny, talented boy who makes my heart skip a beat and my insides quiver. I won't find that in Steven. That much I know. I'm starting to think, though, that I won't find what I'm looking for in any guy. There are over three billion people in the United States alone. How am I supposed to find my 'special someone'? And if I do have a soulmate...where is he? How will I ever find him? What if he's crazy? Or became a priest? Or worse... is dead? Is love just sporadic happenstance...or are our lives meant to intertwine with someone else's...?

Why don't they ever teach us this in school? Unlike math, and science, love is the one subject everybody has in common. Maybe we're not supposed to know though. All we have is questions we'll never figure out.

So yes. I should call Mellie. I'll tell her about yesterday's fiasco, and how I feel so angry at myself and Steven. Most of all, I will finally admit that my faith in love is slowly going away. It's sad...that's the only thing I really have faith in anymore.

To the side is a picture of Danielle! Enjoy! And have a look at a story of mine entitled: "Going Bananas."