My Diary

4/12/18

So let's recap my life up till now. I was born January 23 of 1999, I was born in Beaverton Oregon. My mom and dad were not the best parents, as my dad was gone alot and my mom cheating with the houseworker, some guy at a bar, and probably others we don't know about. My dad, while he was gone, cheated on her with a few trucker girls. My mother died back in 2015 just 18 days shy of her 39th birthday. I was a very smart kid, but overweight as well due to a thyroid problem when I was young and I have never done anything to help it. As I sit here writing this I'm 300 lbs, which I have to say is not all fat, but s majority is. I have ultra dense bones and I never break out, I never get cavities, nor any illnesses. Except heart break. That is the only illness I get, and by God it takes care of not having anything else.. when I'm in a relationship and I really love the other person, and we have to end it... It's hard
Really hard.
I've almost killed myself twice to it because of the anxiety and depression I get. But then this girl came along. And she helped me. She fixed my broken pieces. She gave life a meaning again. She gave me something to work towards. But it was the right person at the wrong time. Soulmates who were intended to meet but not hookup yet. And it is destroying me piece by piece but I can push through and come out a new man, to wait for her and have her come at the right time. Whenever that may be. And i can't help but say how much you've helped me, how much you've opened my eyes, mended my scars, healed my wounds, gave me piece of mind. It honestly breaks me to not have much of any communication with you due to the circumstances, but I'm just glad that we still have some. That we still love each other, and probably will forever. That pushes me to continue doing what I was, what I've been. You give me so much inspiration and courage and power to do anything I want. And I hope I do the same for you. This is gonna be a tough journey.. believe me. But we will get through it. And the outcome will be so stupendously great that we will be happier than ever. I promise you that. Even if it's not with me, I promise you that.

Sorry got a little sidetracked with a very important and personal challenge
Yesterday marks the worst day of my life. Because I got separated hardcore with the love of my life. My universe. My favorite person in the entire world. It really is horrible to experience. It's like part of my soul was taken away from me and now I don't have that piece anymore.
Today marks the first day without her. Without hearing her voice saying hey. Without her beautiful face smiling back at me. Without her.. but I remember the good times we had and I feel slightly better, because I know this separation isn't forever. Another day will come by when we can speak again. Catch up over a cup of coffee or something.. something. I bought her a ring just to set it in stone, and I plan to keep the ring for her. It's hers after all. I could give it to her as a parting gift, so that she has something to remember me by. Yeah. I'll probably do that. Given to a friend to find it's way to you :-) I love you. I will say it as often as I can so that you know, and you can feel better I know everything hurts right now. Everything is horribly tense and excruciatingly painful, but it will be over soon, my little princess. That I am sure of. Think of positive things and what you enjoyed and how you felt. Use that to push forward. You have friends that will support you. They will let you cry on their shoulder and lift you up. Your anxiety and depression, you can fight them. You fought them with me by your side, and I still haven't left it. I'm still right there. I may not be able to see or talk with you, but I'm still there. You're strong and fierce, you've got this. I believe in you.

With love
Tyler D. Peerenboom