My Diary

Welcome to the Jungle

My life!! Woah what a crazy mentslly incapacitated rollercoaster it has been so fsr up to this point. So im gonna leave out quite a bit of my childhood but ill summarise it because alot happens. But as we come closer to the present ill get more in detail. Enjoooyy!!

Birthday: January 23rd of 1999
I was born at 3:02 am into this... Place. Unaware of how tough it would be 18, 19 years later. I was born in portland OR, or beaverton.. Its the same municipal area so we will go with Beaverland. And no thats not a sexual inurendoe heheh 😂😂 get it? Innuendo, in your end doe... Nvm..
Anyways! I lived in 8 cities from when i was born till i was 8.. We never stayed in one place too long, i always had to make friends and get rid of them because my parents didnt know how to be functioning adults. So we lived a sheltered life, one of hate and no love. My parents cheated on each other, they never slept in the same room, there was conflict between my dads fsmily and my moms, so kur household was a constant battleground for bullshit. And me being the closest to my dad in everything, i get targeted with all the hate that he gets.
So ive lived in canby, Tualatin, woodburn, beaverton, Portland, Wilsonville, yamhill and Donald and Gresham. Quite alot of places to live in an 8 year span. It caused alot of sticking to myself, being an outcast, constantly being bullied. Alot of trash.
But when my 8th birthday came around, we were told that we would be going to roswell nm to visit my grandma. It ended up not being a visit. We suprised moved in with my grandma whom ive rarely seen before in my life. I was bullied alot at this place. I finished half of 3rd grade all the way up to 6th. My grandma moved to vegas in 2009 and we moved to this house owned by a girl named Peggy. More about her later, i went to 4th grade at Del Norte Elementary. I was bullied, had my food taken from me, had my test papers marked all over and failed. This was the first time i saw this kind of behaivor not fixed by a teacher. She didnt do anything abiut it. She watched and laughed.
So i ended up wanting to kill myself when i was 9. I moved back to my grandmas after she moved to Vegas and we went to Valley View Elementary school. I was bullied till my teeth were knocked out and my best friend stabbed me and i broke my tenor saxophone over his body and stabbed him. He was my only friend there. And he was my last. We moved shortly after to the Fabulous Las Vegas and the first day here there was a race fight between blacks and mexicans on our street as we were moving in. We had to stay inside while our truck stayed open to anyone while they fought and my aunt went out and stopped it. This aunt is My cousins sean, madison, and mackenzies mom. They are from my moms side of the family. I dont deal with my dads side. They are all spaniards and indians that ive never met before. Perfect first impression vegas ;)
I went to R.O. Gibson from 7th to 8th grade and by god i havent seen bullying worse anyone than there. I was pushed infront of a car, i was pushed down stairs, i was called so many names and and i didn't like going to school anymore. I still went in fear of being punished because my ps3 was all i had for enjoyment. It was my break from reality. Fast forward to
Finals of 2015, my first finals day went great! Went home and played the ps3 with my brother and my dad comes through the door and says hes staying over for dinner and my aunt is with him, his sister. He cooks the food and my aunt watches us play Terraria on the ps3 and my other aunt, auntie c is our name for her, comes through the door with her husband, sean, madison, and mackenzie. What their original plans were for that night idk but what ended up happening was probably the worst night of my life up to that date. June 2nd of 2015. They came in and told me and shane to stop playing. Ordered us to sit on the couch and saw my aunt and dad and flipped shit. They all started fighting and my mom came in and was like what? And i held her while all this shit happened as she cried into my arms and shoulder. The police were called, so was my grandma. My dad and aunt ended up leaving, even though my mom invited them over and my aunt raided all her pills and flushed them down the toilet and when mom went to stop her she pushed her very hard like out of the way and she fell hard. I ended up being there for everyone while everyone left and the police interrogated me. We all went tl bed sad that night and torn. Kaylee slept with me and so did shane, mom slept in her room. I wish we had all slept together or near eachother... Because what happened nearly a week later killed us all... Including her. June 8th 2015, we were at my dads and he took us home so we could go to school and we get there at like 6am so we can get ready and go to school. I hopped out because k had to go to school earlier than everyone else so i knocked first and no one came to answer. I knocked louder and harder and nothing. At this point everyone is at the door expecting it to open but we think shes asleep. Ao i go by her room which is next to the door and listen to hear her snoring... Nothing. I decide i csn go through the back and open it. Maybe shes sound asleep. I open the gate door on the left and go through the carport to the pagoda and i turn the corner since everything is covered by the pagoda and i see her.. Laying on the ground... With blood amd vomit around her head and mouth. Lifeless...
I run back to dad and i say hey moms knocked out in the back and she wont wake up, and so he runs over there and comes through the front door and tells us to call grandma. The paramedics are called and they come within minutes. They pull out a gernie as one of them runs through to check on mom. The others finally get the gernie out and are at the front door sbout to enter when the other paramedic that ran ahead shows up and does the cutting of the neck sign meaning shes dead.. Amd they bring the gernie back to the ambulance. Shane and Kaylee were freaking out because they saw the gernie. They we're in the car when i told dad that she was knocked out, i knew she wasnt knocked out.. I just didn't want to believe it. They freaked out when they saw the gernie and i said dont worry, shes probably going to the hospitsl again. Since she had just come back from aspirating from an allergic reaction to a pain pill called SOMA. My dsd then came out the door with a worried look and told us to come to the back of the car. He hugged us all at once and kaylee asked where is mom? And dad said while crying badly, moms in heaven now baby... Shes in heaven... Im so sorry..
I was shocked. Stunned. I didnt feel anything. She was dead.. And i didnt feel a thing. My mind went to work and put up so many blocks and barriers and walls and isolater itself so much from hearing those words. I remember hearing the words from my grandma and grandpa to my dad "Im gonna kill you!!" "Fuck you" "This is all your fault!" "Shed be alive if it wasnt for you!"... I went to my last final the next day.. I 100% it. Shortly after i called my friend fernando, whom of which i met in 7th grade and is one of my best friends.. Well.. How hes been acting lately and treating me idk, but off topic, i call him and say yo... My mom died. And he said ahhh you got me! And i hung up. He texted me yo wtf. I said if youre not gonna believe me then whatever. And he was likr woah did she really die amd i said what did i tell you.. He came over amd i showed him the blood stain on the concrete that they had a gate over to hide it.. This was the same day when she died. Shortly after, itd june 15th and we are on our way to oregon, which i guess we werent supposed to be but my dad kidnapped us. And then my grandpa flew up, went into the court and thr police came to our house to get us. We flew back to vegas a week later after getting to oregon. We stayed in vegad while the custody battle occured and on december 19th we were to leave with my dad because in november, the last trial, he won because of me. Theres alot of bullshit that happened back then. The months leading up to my moms death... The months following... And even now. So we flew to oregon december 19th of 2015. We were to live in mcminnville oregon in this house near an elementary school. I met a few amazing friends and alot of broken dreams and hurt feelings as well as sexual assault and a shattered heart from a girl who used the fuck out of me because i loved her so much. I wont talk about the sexual assault thing because thats really personal and i cry at the thought of it. The girl ill get to later. I started school, the other half of my junior year, at mac high. I wasnt bullied. In fact within the first few days of being there i got a girlfriend... Who proceeded to assault me.. Thats her. So i left her and continued school and avoided her. Eventually in my senior year i found this girl named jessica who i really liked. She was a freshman and i was a senior and she played MTG and so did i. We played xbox and hung out. So i asked her out and she said yes. But she was the kind to reslly be advsncing tok quick. I walked her to class our first day of being together and she full on kissed me. Or tried to as the croud pushed us away. I never had my first kiss btw. So after our first couple of days she says she feels weird about us and breaks up. I fall into complete depression and try to kill myself again. I continue through my senior year and i do college level classes and get college credits. I do ap classes too and get my asvab done. I scored a 91. I started working when i was 16 fixing to turn 17. I worked all the way until i graduated in 2017 and movef back out here to vegas. I feel so lost in what my purpose was. But i had 3 years of welding from that school and previous as well as alot of practice and i enjoy welding. So I wanted to become an engineer. I also tried to join the military but they denied me for my asthma. I wanted to become a combat engineer so badly.. But maybe later down the road. After i moved back to vegad i picked up my friend and moved back to oregon in august of 2017 to go to college. I went to chemeketa community college. My first day i met this girl... Her name was avery. I fell in love slowly but i picked up quickly over time. And so did my friend fernando. As i was working on talking with her and hopefully getting her tk be mine, he comes along and fucks her. Takes her and leaves me in the dust. I was so depressed and hurt that i tried killing myself again... And so did he because he knew exactly what he was doing and he still did it. He fucked the girl i was so deaperately trying to get. She liked me too... But liked ferniee more. The night they fucked i left and walked in the rain and hit my head on the stop sign, amd cried. And sat out there. She comes out a few hours later and asks whats wrong and i say just take me home. Before this though. In october, i got my first kiss. From her. And it was so amazing but maybe too amazing because my eye twitched alot Heheh but. I really don't like classifying that as my first kiss so ill say i never had one. Because fuck avery and everything she is and stands for. She lead me on. She asked me to confess 4 fucking times. In person... Do you realize how hard that is you selfish bitch? No because you go around fucking their best friend so how could you. You would ask me to confess, then say oh ive got 4 people i csn call who will tell me the SAME THING you fucking waste of space. If you cant tell im furious still. And i dont think i ever will stop. I tried so hard..
So fucking hard.. But you... You... Insolent whelp. Fuck You. You used me so you could feel better because my best friend hurt you when you fucked because he didnt want to be with you... Well.. Fuck you anyways.. You ripped my heart OUT. Stomped it. Put shit on it. Threw it into a tree grinder and expected it to be thr same again.. No. No not at all. I wanted to kill you so bad.. To kill myself. I wanted to drive off the side of the road and crash. That one time you got scared and said first time driving and i said yeah you could say that, i had a change of heart last second. That's the moment i broke. I wrote a poem. And i follow it to be true. Ill post it in another entry. I also spent my 19th birthday with you.. It wad the worst birthday of my life. You asked me to confess again. And you said im sorry but i dont like you that way... Fuck you. And you still had the audacity to cuddle with me... Oh I'm papa bear. I give the best cuddles. Im so warm and protective... I make you feel safe and i help you sleep. Yet you destroyed me. I spent 4 hours at night in 20 degree weather chilling in the back of my pickup in the dark out in some forest to hope it was a good place for our last date... Which you dated me but didnt like me that way... You make no fucking sense... I should have never met you. Never went over to your house. To your work. To your room. To your smoke spot. To your car. To you. Never. You broke my heart and it wasnt fixed. Then when i was getting ready to leave i was numb. I left oregon a few dayd after that day. I was so numb. In so much pain. My dad bitched at me for hours straight. Told me how good i had everything and how its all in my head and how i need to toughen up. And how i always have an attitude. Something to say. Hey son let's get drunk and high and talk about what's got you down. Then when i start twlking you say i don't know what its like to be hurt. To be in pain. To be thrown through a door (yes i do bitch) to be thrown through a window(yes. I. Do.) To be whipped till i bled(yeah cuz you guys were never there for us when we needed you and never there to begin with.) So yeah. Fuck you dad. Fuck you Avery. Fuck you. I moved back down to vegas alone. I flew alone. I arrived and my grandpa picked me up and we went to his house and i slept. Then thr next morning i went to ferniees house.. This is the 13th of February. Earlier i talked about "maybe the 13th should've happened", well heres what i was referencing to. All throughout the day i cried. I slept. I was in sooooooooooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhh fucking pain that i couldnt take it anymore. I woke up at night and go for a walk. I end up crying on the phone with suicide hotline, and 2 other friends becausei was planning on killing myself and decided that after the talks with them i was going to. I walked down the water trail till i found a spot where i could jump from and sat there on the edge. I was trying to talk myself out of kt but i had nothing left. No family. No love. No friends who cared enough about me... I had nothing. So i sat there.. And was about to push myself off and i call a friend in hopes to feel better... Probably should have not called becausr i felt worse.. So i began to launch myself off when i heard my messenger go off.. My friend before said wait.. When you least expect it something reeeaallyy big will happen.. Well as i was about to push myself off this ledge and kill myself, someone texted me. Her name was Serena. We talked for a few and she made me feel happy again. But whilr i was talking with her my other phone i had fell off the edge and broke from the fall. So i get up to go get jt and i slip amd fall down. I land in the mud amd water and not on the concrete that was right next to me and i thanked God. I hurt so bad because it was like a 30 ft drop. I looked for my phone after i got up and saw it was destroyed. I left it there and got back up to go home. I was limping and i felt so much better. So i got home and walked straight tk the bathroom and ferniee was on the couch and he said why u limping and i said cuz i gotta take a mean ass shit. I mean i did but thats not why. I cleaned up and shit and walked out and tried tk walk as straight as possible and said good night. I woke up to her texting me. February 14th of 2018. I thought wow shes still texting me! Most girls stop after awhile. So we started talking and i started falling in love with her. Shes so amazing and kind and sweet and precious and Gahhh so many good things about her! So we ended up asking eachother out while she was in school and i got so happy because she said yes. I thought DAMN I HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, AMAZING, SWEETEST, TALENTED, GIRLFRIEND EVER!!! And i was determined to keep her. So we talked more and more and learned so much about eachother and our pasts. And we fell in love. To this day shes the best thing thats happened to me, but recently, on april 11th, just a couple days shy of our 2 month anniversary, her parents make her remove me from her life. They disapprove of us because of our age, but its not a bad gap.we arent 5 years apart but we arent 2 either. So we havent been able to stay in much of contact because her parents threatened her that if theg find out we are talking, theyll take away her phone and send her to cali and publicly humiliate her. Which i dont want. I support her in everything. I truly love this girl so much that i want her to be happy.. Even if it means i have to be hurt and sad. Ill wait for her we still have some contact and im so thankful for that. I can't stand to be away from her. Shes my everything. I feel and believe that she is my soulmate because we instantly connected and i didn't feel weird with her when we first started talking which is a usualll thing with me. If youre reading this serena, i love you. I always will. I tell you this every chance i get because i really do. I dont just like you. I dont 'love' you. I. Love. You. My whole heart belongs to you. Every bit of it. Youve helped me, raised me up, given me confidence and self esteem, the ability to love again.
Thats it. Thats my life up to date.
Take from it what you will. I summarized some parts of my life that are just waay too long to understand.
For the future. My next 3 years to be exact. I will try my best to get into college here in the fall, i want to become a welder. I will also begin supporting myself and creating a good foundation and structure for my future family. I will also be waiting for the love of my life, Serena. Even if we move on, i will never stop loving you. You are the love of my life and the only girl in the world in my eyes. Everyone else i meet before we get together again officially, if we do(hopefully we do,"im not gonna lie)
Wont be as amazing as you, i can already tell.

That's all. My life up till now with my future planned. I gave the broad view i have alot more intricut details that pave my way. But that's my plan.

Xoxoxoxo

Yours Truly
Tyler Peerenboon