The Purpose

November 12, 2015

Her house was tiny, cute, and covered in bright, pastel colors; they could barely look at it, the colors were almost blinding.

"Are you ready?" Maria asked. Dolan just nodded in response. He seemed nervous as the entire ride there he had been rubbing his hands against his pants and constantly squirming in one way or another.

They slowly walked up the three, creaky, wooden steps leading to the front door and collectively took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. They waited, shivering in the cold for a few minutes, but there wasn't an answer.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Eventually, a short, blonde woman opened the door. She was wearing a colorful, flowery dress and brown, open-toed shoes. Her blue eyes were avoiding both of their stares.

"Hello," She said wearily. They all stared at each other for a minute or so. "Come in," She sighed, making a gesture with her hand towards the inside of her house.

Maria and Dolan followed her to what looked like her living room and everyone sat down.

"Would you like something to drink?" The women asked, looking only at Maria.

"No thank you," Maria gave a warm smile in her direction, hoping to lighten up the awkwardness. "Thank you for allowing us to meet with you, Ms. Wilson."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"The reason we wanted to meet with you today is because Dolan had some questions about where he came from and he was hoping you could give him some clarity on this subject," Ms. Wilson nodded.

"Please understand that um...t-this is very hard for me to talk about. I'm not completely sure why I agreed to this actually," She laughed lightly.

"Ok," Maria sighed, curious as to what she meant by that. "Then why don't you just start off by telling us about your family and your life."

Ms. Wilson seemed to relax a little and began speaking softly. "I grew up in a very conservative family. My parents had pretty strict interpretations of the Bible and they were very...set in there ways I guess. Traditional. I've always...I do believe there is a God and that I have a purpose in life because He made me so there must be, right?" She asked, looking at Dolan for the first time since they arrived. She quickly looked down again.

"I was very outgoing as a child. Always laughing and smiling," She smiled and laughed. This quickly vanished as she sighed, taking a deep breath as if she was preparing herself for something. "When I was 16, I was young and dumb. I wanted to fit in like every other teen in the world so I went to a party filled with people I barely knew or didn't know at all. I let my boyfriend at the time convince me into going.

"I became awkward and kept to myself more in high school. I was a writer and we didn't really have very many inclusive clubs that I could find other people like me at the Christian school I was enrolled in at the time.

"My parents loved my boyfriend. He was polite and proper; he presented himself to be a strong believer and a great role model for me. My parents thought we were going to a Bible study that night. They gave me a late curfew for the first time ever because they trusted I was safe with him." Ms. Wilson let out a shaker breathe before continuing. "I thought I was too.

"That night I discovered that he loved to drink and smoke like any other rebellious teen boy. It was like a fucking movie, so predictable yet I couldn't see it coming myself.

"He pressured me into drinking saying I was being a 'buzzkill' and that I 'needed to have fun and let loose for once.' So I did.

"I had never drunk before in my life and I had no idea what my tolerance was. He just kept shoving drinks in my hand. One. Two. Three. Five. I lost count after a while. I could barely see straight let alone think.

"Before I could assess what was happening he was dragging me upstairs into a bedroom. I may have been drunk out of my mind, but I knew what he wanted to happen next.

"I told him no. I said it softly then loudly and...and." She began crying, tears streaming freely down her face. It was an ocean of sadness falling onto her lap.

"You don't have to continue," Maria said, looking at the ground with tears in her eyes as well. Dolan sat quietly, hiding any emotions he was feeling.

"So I was a rape baby?" Dolan asked.

"Dolan," Maria warned.

"Yes...you were," Ms. Wilson nodded, still not making eye contact.

"Why didn't you just get an abortion?"

"Dolan, I don't think that is an appropri-," Maria started.

"My parents were...are very religious. When they found out, they were furious at me for letting it happen. They blamed me for it. They told me my punishment for giving up my purity so easily and disrespecting my religion was." She looked to her right and swallowed as if there was a rock in her throat. "to have you.

"I knew I was going to give you up from the beginning. The second you came out of me, I started crying uncontrollably. Not because I regretted that decision, but because I um...I finally felt free from the memory of what had happened to me. I never even looked at you. They asked if I wanted to hold you and I asked them to get you out of my sight as soon as possible. I was afraid of what might happen if I did."

"Was there ever a chance that you wanted to keep me?" Dolan whispered.

"No. Somehow I knew that everytime that I'd look at you, I would be reminded of the pain I went through. Even if it was in the back of my mind, I knew that keeping you would mean never moving on from my past. I would have resented you for that. I would never have loved you like a mother is supposed to love her child. I didn't want to put a child through that. I had hoped that giving you up would give you a chance to get that love I didn't have the ability to give.

"Today, talking to you has been the most difficult thing I've had to experience since I gave you up." She began rapidly shaking her head, sobbing in-between talking. "I'm so sorry that I agreed to this. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have told you this."

Ms. Wilson took a deep breath before quickly standing up. "I think you should leave before I make this any worse than it already is."

Maria quickly rushed Dolan out the door and thanked Mr. Wilson for her time before she slammed the door in their faces.

The car ride back was painfully quiet. Maria kept opening her mouth to say something, to apologize, but she couldn't find the words.

Finally, they arrived back at the house. Dolan jumped out of the car and ran inside without saying anything more.

Maria stayed for a few moments, closing her eyes. She had never wanted time travel to exist more at that moment than ever before. This was a mistake.