tides ○ a collection of poems

xxviii. numb

why does everything feel so numb lately?
how is it possible to just slip away so easily?
where did my laughter go?
my opinions, my love, my thrive to go out there?
everything looks, feels, sounds, smells, tastes so muffled, far away,
and i just can't grip it,
or actually hold on to it.

there's just nothing left,
not even tears or hushed
sentences in my mind, there's only
nothing and that nothingness seems to be cracking, falling apart, too, and it leaves me just as
everything else.

what will be left when it is gone completely?
i wonder if i can survive
this cacophony of blank space,
the absence of colour in the rainbow.

reality feels like it could be a nice place to be in.
and emotions might be
wonderful to explore.
but i am gone so far by now that i am not even longing for those anymore.

i just need to soak into nothingness until i completely blend into the gray sky and finally
can dissappear,
bones and lungs and all.