In my mind

The Golden Akhal Teke

"It should have been you!", my mother spits at me.

This is how our arguments usually go. I am not perfect. I am not a sweet little child. I am not mother's obedient girl. I am everything my sister never was. Oh, my sister. My flawless, wonderful and gorgeous sister. She always got all mother's attention. What a tragedy, her death that is. She died a year ago, played in the lake and her foot got stuck in a seaweed. She drowned. The angel-like sister died, leaving her impossible sister behind. For the last year, all I've heard is "Can't you at least try to be more like you sister was?" or "What a shame it was your sister who died, she didn't deserve it". It makes me boil with rage. Can someone please tell me what I have done, what have I done to be so hated by everyone?

"I can't do anything about that! I am the one who lived!", I shout right back at her.

"Hmph, trust me I know that. You're a living, constant reminder of that", my mother sighs.

How dare she? She doesn't even try to hide her disappoinment, I can see it in her eyes everytime she sees me. Disgust and hatred shine in her eyes when she looks me over, scanning for flaws to point out. My hair lies a little bit too much to the side, there's a wrinkle on my dress or my freckles stand out too much. She had perfect pale skin while my tan face have light freckles on the cheeks. This doesn't stop my mother from trying to turn me into my sister. I am forced to wear her clothes, live in her room and if I don't behave like her I've earned myself a good beat up from father. He's never said anything directly against me, he only defends and obeys mother. Speaking of which, father comes down the stairs, takes one look in our direction and quickly tries to sneak out the back.

"Morgan! Stop right there! Your daughter is being arrogant again"

"Uhm, Rêve can't you just make your mother happy once in a while... We've talked about this"

I look between my parents. Part of why mother hates me is because I am not her child. My mum died and shortly after, dad shows up with this woman declaring her our new mother. If I don't call her mother, I've earned yet another slap.

"She is not my mother", I say quietly but strongly. I look at dad, letting him see my ice cold stare. "You have betrayed mum. You know it. Not a week after she wasted away on her death bed you brought this scum home and forced us to call her mother", I know the mention of my true mum stings because he blinks but quickly recovers.

"You will be thankful that Idun agrees to see you as her child!", my dad's eyes narrow and after hearing about my mum he's gone into defense mode. I roll my eyes and sigh. This is how it's always been, how it always will be. Suddenly, Idun realizes I've ditched my sister's cute dresses and am wearing a simple tunic with brown pants.

"You! I give you all my daughter's clothes and yet, yet you choose to wear this, this awful outfit", she stammers. Almost as if I'd struck her with a knife. I've had enough. I need to get away from here or else I don't know what I might do. But I'm sure Idun wouldn't appreciate it. With a snort, I turn on my heel and walk out the door not listening to their shouts and commands that I return. They brought this upon themselves. I never want to come back ever again. Maybe I should just run away, though I probably should have prepared for it. I have nothing besides the clothes I wear, not even money. But living on the streets can't be much worse than home. I begin to laugh, a hysterical laughter that seems to echo around me. Perhaps I'm going insane, hah that would be a nice thought. I walk and walk until my feet are on the small secret sunflower field where I used to come with my grandma when I was younger. This place is pure, my mother has never set foot here. She doesn't know it exists, and I'll keep it that way. I pick up a beautiful sunflower and twirl it between my fingers. My rage begins to fade away and I start to whistle the lullaby my mum always sung us to sleep with.