YOURS - A Darshan Raval Fanfiction

Dilemma

We're now at the jewellery shop of the mall. I've landed in the afternoon & now here I'm - at almost 8 pm. I took a short nap after coming here just to freshen my mind and get rid of the jetlag.

There are dozens of rings scattered around us with various designs but not the one we're searching for. We've been here for almost one and a half hours & still searching for the gem.

Suddenly something catches my eye. "Dada, can you please pick that out?", I say to the shopkeeper. And he places his hand on the ring beside which I indicated. "This?", he asks. "The one on the right, yeah yeah that's the one", I direct him. Darshan is trying to see it too.

The shopkeeper keeps it in front of me and the ring dazzles me. "Wow, it's beautiful!", says Darshan. He takes it slowly from my hand.
It's a beautiful simple ring with a heart-shaped stone at the middle, in navy blue. The color combination with the shinning diamond heart makes it attractive.

"It's the one", Darshan whispers. "I know", I whisper back. I don't even know why we're talking in hushed tones.
"Mam, try it out. It'll look beautiful in your hand", the stuff boy says. "It's not.." "You're having a misunderstanding" me and Darshan both utter at once.
"Oh... sorry", the boy apologizes. "It's okay", Darshan says with a smile.

I shift uncomfortably. I just want to get out of here. It almost got suffocated. The throbbing feeling at my heart is getting more intense, almost painful. And the more time I'm spending with Darsh the more it's increasing.
"Are you buying it?", I ask Darshan and he nods. He tells the stuffboy to pack it and pays the bill.
By then I'm almost out of the shop. I keep walking fast and Darshan is behind me, following.

"Finally! It's what I was waiting for", he utters. "I know right. It's beautiful and will suit Dhriti", I say with a smile, gulping hard.

He smiles back brightly. His eyes shine with happiness and excitement. & I realize, this is what I need & wanted all along. This happiness. This shine in his eyes. This bright smile. & this is absolutely what I get, doesn't matter the costs. I'll be okay as long as he be happy. I'll manage. I have to.

We sit in his car and he starts the engine, still a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He looks so young & lively. I smile and look down. "Do you really need to stay at the hotel? I have this whole house on my own, you can stay with me yaar!", he tries again to persuade me.

This time I've decided to stay at a hotel which he despises heartily. But I'm not stepping away from my decision. I can't stay at his house. I need some space.

"No Darsh, try to understand. I'm staying at the hotel & it's final", I say looking out the window. He doesn't reply and keeps driving. He's a bit disappointed but it'll go away eventually. At least once I need to take the right decision in my life.

We reach the hotel I'm staying at & I bid him goodbye. He drives away. I stand at the porch until his car is out of sight and enter the hotel.

Once I'm in my room I keep thinking about my life. How it turned into this beautiful disaster. I love this life to be honest. It could be way worse for all I know.
I'm contented with everything that I've gone through & the things I've earned, specially the people. But sometimes it gets hard. The chaos inside me becomes too much to control. The needs of this soul becomes too much to hold back.

When the destination gets far from my reach & when I can't see through my path clearly, I become a mess. There's no one I can share these feelings and problems with. There's no one I can ask for any suggestion from.
Sometimes I feel like screaming my lungs out and ask for help to something, someone, anyone - who can get me out of this confusion, this mess and chaos; that my mind is!

The internal needs are so heavy than the physical ones. We have foods to feed our body and holding it back from falling apart. But feeding the soul is so, so tough - specially when we don't know ourselves that what it needs.

It'd be so much easier to deal with life, with its given situations if we would be able to know ourselves. But most of the times, it gets almost impossible to find thyself.
I'm at that situation right now; defeated by life, its tests. I'm just lost. And I don't know how to deal with everything. How to find myself!