Pensieri e monologhi//thoughts and monologues

Emotions are bad

Emotions are bad
They live inside of you and they grow.
They grow, until they explode
And when they explode you feel them all.
You can't take no more decisions.
You don't know what you want, what you don't want.
You feel sick, but in your sickness you feel good and when you really feel good, all seems fake.
Like a dream, an illusion.
Reality and fantasy seem the same thing.
Then, suddenly, your emotions hide again.
They hide, but they don't dissappear.
They stay there, in your heart.
You don't feel them, but they live.
They stay there and they hurt you
Slowly...
They hurt you and you don't notice it, you don't feel them.
But they stay and they stay for destroy you.
They make you sink.
They make you fall.
They enclose you in a cage.
A cage of metal, one that nobody can break, move, lift, destroy.
And you're inthere...
And nobody notice it.
Nobody can see you, hear you, talk to you, save you.
You cry, you scream, you shout.
You fall and you don't get up.
You fall on deaf ears and you don't notice it.
You're close into a cage, but you don't know it, you don't see it.
And slowly you keep on dying.
When you notice it it's too late.
You're loosing pieces of your body one by one.
First of all the eyes: now around you, you see only darkness.
After, the lungs: at every breath you miss the air, you're smothering.
Afterwards the mouth: at every word you block yourself. You talk, but no one hears you, no one understands you. The feeling is exactly one of a hand that shakes your throat.
A hand that you're not able to see. Before, it tears your vocal cords then it breaks your tongue.
You loose your mind, your brain: now the others are thinking for yourself, they dismember you to reassemble you as they pleasure.
It keeps on with the stomach: you can't eat or, in opposite case, you can't stop to eat.
Then the hands: all you touch fades, like it would have never exist.
Then the hearing: you stopped to listen. You stopped to listen who tries to change you, to trasform you.
You stopped to listen who obliges you and who forces you.
You stopped to listen to all these shits.
The most important thing, you stopped to listen to your heart, your emotions.
You try to listen to your brain, to your mind. The same mind you've already lost.
At the end you loose your heart...
NO. Not your heart.
You should but you don't 'cause you don't want it.
So you let it grow...
And it grows, it grows so much that it breaks.
It breaks and you try in vain to fix it, to stitch it, paste it, change it.
But now it's broken. It's broken and you can't change it, save it, re-build it.
You keep on.
You keep on reattaching it, but it breaks again.
So again, it's like a limbo.
You think you won but your legs succumbed.
You're arms didn't hold and a boulder crashed you.
Destroyed bones, decomposed organs, smashed skull.
Eyes are bleeding, scars are opening.
The dead's alive, but he tries to hide it.
He stay killed, buried, disintegrated.
You're feelings, the same that pervased you and afterward killed you, leave.
For them it's all a game, a scene.
They leave you alone and they watch you suffering.
Life is this.
If you don't suffer you're not alive, but if you suffer you're dead.
Go on for grades, for order of importance.
Disgust, that you feel for humanity.
Hate, that you feel for yourself, is in tuning with Love, that you feel for your inner self.
Sadness and Happines go hand in hand.
There's not the first without the other, but one can't coexist if its opposite already exist.
The great end would belong to Anger: strong, killer, smart, self-defensive.
Who rest are Anxiety and Paranoia: they were always there and they'll always be there.
They're under-levels of Fear
Fear is in everybody and under various shapes.
Fear eat your emotions, she enclose them in herself for getting them out.
She wants to be the queen, hold the power.
She wants to control your actions, overhang your thoughts, ruin your remembers.
When you try to move she make you fall again.
End my monologue the dead gets up. Courage? Willpower?
No, that's Hope. She always save you.
Often she ruin us, she put weird ideas in our minds, dreams that don't become real.
But she takes care of us, she doesn't leave us giving up.
Without her you'd be already at your funeral in a coffin at some meters underground.
Like I said before, life is this.
If you don't want to continue, if you want to give up ways are a lot.
In front of you there's a rope, it hangs from the top. At the end there's a loop.
Go and block out your breath.
Your mind doesn't work anymore so there's a gun. A shot perforates it and your soul leaves you.
Imagine the ocean: immense, deep...
A weight to the ankle and soon you'll touch the bottom.
Roll up your sleeves, your wrist is bleeding. In the other hand you've an object but your view is faded. You overflow its contour: it's sharp. Now you go away, all in one breath.
Do you remember the balcony at your house? A step forward, another one, climb over and fall down.
You're still here, you're resistant.
But remember what I said, remember this reality.
Emotions are bad
And you can't go away from them.