Who I've become (fiction)

Part 3

Is this who I am now a person who pretends? A person that's fake just so people like her? A person that denies her feeling for a boy because she thought she was gay but not anymore? No. It changed I'm bi now I like a boy and a girl. 10 people like the boy not counting me. They all love him I can not take him away from them so I pretend to not have feelings for him.

My best friend is one of the 10. The one I like or used to, life has kind of got in the way of things. All this drama over 2 people wow I'm such an attention seeker. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to hurt you. Yet all I want is to be left alone to my own thoughts. My dreamland is better. The place I drift off to when life is too hard. There no one gets in my way of happiness. The land where I can be me. The land where I'm free because I'm alone and no one is watching me.

Why can't I be normal? All this drama doesn't even make sense. I replay a scenario in my head over and over on repeat. I have this feeling like something's missing. There's a clue hidden in the picture. But so hidden no ones even questioned it before me. What am I missing? What's there that I can't see.

It's not something that's there, it's something that's missing. But what? It's in my head it's like I'm there but I'm at home sitting. Alone, where I belong. Is all this is it worth the damage I may cause? The price I may pay. What if it's not mean to be found what if it's supposed to stay lost? What if it's missing for a reason? Why does it not want to be found? All these questions may not make sense to you but they do to me.

I don't fit with the rest. There's all these groups at school but none of them except me. I don't fit in with any of them. I feel out of the ordinary but with him, I fit. With him, I cannot be fake. With him I'm me, the real me not the pretend me. I'm not scared of him because he's real maybe not to anyone else but me. But that does not matter because he's real to me and I'm real to him.

But she's the one who deserves him, so I back off. I can't take away from her. Not that he would ever like me. It's not worth it, all the pain is not worth it anymore. I can't take anymore. There's no point in even trying now he's already her's. She deserves this, not me, her. She needs him I don't I'm fine, but she' not.

--A.N.--

So you made it to the end of this part ya! If you enjoyed this please vote and comment your favorite color. Sorry, this one kind of sucks it was like 1:00 when I wrote this, I just wanted to write so, yeah.  If you are going through something right now talk to someone or write I find writing helps because I do not like talking to people about my feeling just don't keep all your feeling bottled up inside it does not help it makes things worse trust me I have experience :).