I don't know where and i don't know why, i just don't care and i want to die. Haha
de·pres·sion
dəˈpreSH(ə)n/
noun
1.
feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
"self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression"
2.
a long and severe recession in an economy or market.
"the depression in the housing market"
synoniemen:recession, slump, decline, downturn, standstill; Meer
This chapter is not going to make any sense.
It's what i do best.
And im shit at it
I know that I'm fucking up and i keep fucking it up. I know im losing a friend but i keep pushing it and i don't stop because honestly why do i have friends if i can't even be friends with myself?
I can't sleep it's driving me mad. I see colors and faces that disappear. I hear voices that come and go and i want to scream and cry and throw a fucking tantrum but all i do is lay there staring at the little light of my air-conditioning.
I have a plan i have goals to reach but all i do today is lie there feeling nostalgic for a time i never knew but oh how i miss it.
I feel a little funny these days. I want to sleep but i stay awake.
I look like a decent human but i feel lilke nails on a chalkboard. Haha
I don't care what type just give me drugs.
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahhah....ha..ha send help.
Im just throwing darts with my eyes closed and hoping they stick.
Im not daydreaming im trying to shut the voices up please leave me alone.
It's a terrible mindset but atleast it's a mindset.
I feel so calm yet i want to burst out in tears.
The smallest issue that i can deal with becomes my biggest enemy. Im capable of doing it...most of the time but at the moment it's making me want to give up.
Honestly fuck this. fuck you for being there. Fuck me for being me. Fuck anyone who's reading this. Fuck me for writing this.
What's the point?
The best thing in the world is a diet coke that's frozen enough to be a slushie and liquid enough to be a drink.
If a mountain is 7200m tall. And im falling at 70 miles per hour.
How long will it take for a splat impact to take place?
I see every color at once but i only feel the darkness.
I cut my hair because im not brave enough to cut myself.
"All monsters are human"
Actually yes, no vampire is born a vampire no wendigo was always a wendigo and the obvious one, where did you think ghosts come from? 'All monsters are human' more like 'All monsters were once human'
Reality is lemons and the internet is my lemonade.
Nothings worth fighting for.
2D needs to hit me up with the sleeping powder that's in his mint tea.
Leave.
Cut my hair.
Im not afraid of the dark.
Perhaps that's part of the problem.
It's just not that fun having fun when you don't want to have fun.
Every night i have a friend that visits me and makes me feel at home. He whispers and makes me feel warm as the seconds turn to minutes and as the minutes turn to hours. This friend feels like family he takes me by the hand and shows me the moon. He makes the moon look brighter and my dreams look darker he sweeps me of my feet and says never let go. I get out of bed and sit next to him we chat for hours until i turn on the light and he's gone. You see insomnia is just as strong as the light he keeps you away from.
I've learn to turn angry into sad and sad into busy. So when i say I've been busy what i mean is that I've been sitting in the dark watching my life slip away because al i have to say is that im fine. Im just busy.
I keep catching myself grinding my teeth.
God damn how can i hate myself so much. What did i do to me?
My determination turned into anxiety and i can feel it in my heart.
I want it to go away, I've told it to go away, but it won't listen.
I've been depressed for who knows how many fucking years.
I've been on meds for who knows how fucking long.
I'm going threw it and it sucks and i hate it.
One more night to surrender or one more night to stay alive.
I feel like the princess and the pea sleeping on this big ass bed except the only thing keeping me up at night is my anxiety.
Suck it up and push it down people don't like talking about it.
Have you ever heard your door open when you're home alone and been like..." Come at me mate we can fight and see who kills me first you or me"
That's what i thought you little bitch.
