Counterfactual

26 | projection

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

PROJECTION

( — the unconscious transfer of one's desires or emotions to another person. )

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          ROWAN HAS A SOLIDARY STOMACH. Jasper used to joke that it was one the very few parts of his body capable of feeling the slightest bit of empathy, as he has a horrible tendency to throw up whenever someone else does it first. The other part is only a few inches below, and she certainly knows a lot about that.

          Staring at Rhiannon for brief moments is more than enough to tell him she's moments away from throwing up—not only because she's sick, but also because Isla told him she has the strange habit of involuntarily doing it whenever her stress levels get to a certain point. Seeing her name on a diagram, along with those of the other participants from that Social Psychology experiment, and, worst of all, with Taylor's, must be doing wonders for her nervous system.

          He slowly takes her phone from her hand, hoping he won't startle her, but she jumps in her place. Her eyes are wide open in panic when she glances up at him, but they quickly find Isla's on the other side of the living room and her shoulders drop ever so slightly.

          "You should sit down," he suggests, setting an unsteady hand above her elbow, but she still stumbles forward and has to support her weight on the table in front of them. She can't possibly be heavy, looking so generally bony it could almost be unhealthy if he didn't know better, seeing as her most unhealthy habits include smoking as much as she does and how much she has lied just to cover for ten other people. "Come on."

          "I'm sober," she mutters. It's a lie. He can smell the alcohol on her breath. "Tell Isla to sit down and stay where she is."

          "Uh . . ." Rowan risks a glance at Isla, finding her standing up by the couch where she was sitting, but she hasn't moved yet, shoulders so stiff it's like she's made of iron. "I'm sure you know Isla a lot better than I do, but I think we both know Isla does what Isla wants to do."

          "I think I'm going to throw up."

          His heart jumps. "Not on my floor. Please."

          She blinks, examining his facial expression, and, after a while, her lips expel a quick ha. Perhaps she thought it was a joke, but it has never been about his floor per se. While it certainly wouldn't be pleasant to have to clean up vomit from the floor tiles, it's mostly because he doesn't want to follow that same path.

          Even though she looks a lot calmer now, she's still unable to stand straight on her own. All he knows about her is the little she has shown, having an impressive self-control to prevent herself from revealing too much, and what Isla has said about her—therefore, he knows how much she hates depending on other people. After her parents disowned her, she had to depend on herself and whatever money she had to stay in college, but Jude's parents are paying for it now.

           That experiment was the only thing she had that let her regain some control of her own life, to prove to her family and to herself that she could do it. Now, even that was taken away from her, regardless of how traumatic those events were.

          It's bittersweet that Rowan feels like he can relate to her in that aspect. Once he found himself free of all those restraints, the ones that had held him back for years, he felt like a fish out of water, a bird that had never really learned how to properly use his wings.