Fatal attraction

Chapter 21

Dear diary,

         I won't be filling your pages for a while as my 9th final exams are approaching and to your relief, you won't be hearing more about Marshall or his friends. Yeah, you heard that right ! He's leaving school after his 10th and what the hell is wrong with him? You don't give depressing news on someone's bday!! Btw, one of his friends is committed with Shreya, cool right? I'm so happy for her! She really likes him a lot and same goes for him too (maybe).

Okay, okay... back to the MAIN TOPIC. He wished me at 10:30 PM. Funny right? Anyways, he's fucking leavinggg !! Reason?? He doesn't like the school and according to him, all of the students of this school are retards. I didn't make any comments on his statement because my mind was flooded with one sentence- "I'm changing my school". My heart was blank at that time. No depresssion nor frustration nor happiness, nothing. Just pure blank. I was screaming, trying to evoke some kind of emotion but my heart remained deaf to my inner screams, wierd right?

Maybe, it gave up on him. Maybe, it finally understood my mind. Maybe, the feelings vanished from it. Good, right? I succeeded in building up those walls. I should be happy. God, why I ain't happy, then? Why can't I be happy??

I just asked you for happiness, is it so hard to give? Do you love my friend more than me? I mean everything's going so well for HER as far as her love life is concerned.

On top of that, you just had to do it on my birthday! I mean wow!! What a gift on my birthday, Thankyou God for making my bday so special. I love surprises and it was pretty amazing one. You never disappoint me, you know. Pun Intended.

Sneha..

I flipped to the last filled page and when I read it, my eyes couldn't control the tears overflowing. Mother's love is the purest. It's stronger than any other kinda love and emotion. Even though, it was she who was dying, who was leaving the world, who was suffering the pain that disease made her go through still, she didn't care about her. She was worried about me, my life and my happiness.

I never had the priviledge to spent much time with her but I cherish our moments though they feel like a beautiful distant dream. I feel a little jealous when I see my classmates with their parents but I console myself with a heavy heart. When it becomes too much for me to take, I cry and just bring out my emotions through my warm, salty tears.

Sometimes, I would feel as if she's right beside, watching and taking care of me. I still haven't forget that night when I saw her angelic form. Oh god! how breathtakingly beautiful she was with her contagious warm smile!

If only she was here, she would have understood my feelings. She would have encouraged me to forgive him or forget him. She would have consoled me. She would have wiped my tears which are overflowing right now.

I miss her...I miss her warm hugs, her worried face whenever I used to cry, her proud smile when I did something good, her soft hands which used to caress my hair, her pretty brown eyes, her voice which used to sound like church bells and every little thing about her. She was the best mom in the whole world. If only I could turn back time, I would have saved her somehow...