Maybe One Day | Logicality - Companion to Why I Run Series

Chapter Nine

Point of View: Logan, First Person
Timeline: Present Day

Patton was aimlessly stirring the batter for pancakes - hands shaking slightly.  A seemingly normal task for most people to do, but this was Patton.  I knew exactly what he was making.

Patton Pancakes.

I was sitting in living room, re-reading one of my favorite books (The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie, of course).  But when I glanced up to see what Patton was making, I immediately set down my book, sticking the front flap of the cover in my place before closing it - merely waiting for him to stop stirring the batter, as he looked unusually lost in his thoughts.

"Patton?" I finally questioned.

"Hmm?" Patton responded, not looking at me.  He took a moment to push up his glasses before twisting just enough so I couldn't see his face anymore.

"Are you okay?"

"W-What makes you think that I-I'm not okay?" Patton said shakily, avoiding my eyes - eyes locked too intensely on the bowl in front of him.

"You've been stirring the pancake batter for nearly ten minutes."

Patton flushed pink, pulling out the whisk and setting it on a nearby paper towel.  "Whoops, silly me," Patton forced a small laugh but it was too strained, too fake.

"Patton?"

Patton hummed in acknowledgment, but still didn't look at me.  I frowned.  "Patton, would you please look at me for a short moment?" I requested.

Patton hesitated, not looking at me.

I got to my feet, walking  into the kitchen and over to Patton.  "Patton?" I asked, grabbing his shoulder and gently turning him to face me, to see tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I left him," Patton whispered, eyes unfocused.  "I left him, and I wasn't there for him when he -"

I caught on instantly.  Of course, Patton would be upset about Anxiety having a seizure.  Illogical, but it would certainly be Patton to be upset over something that was entirely out of his control.

"Patton - it is completely illogical for you to blame yourself.  You had no way to knowing that Anxiety was going to have a seizure, nor anyway to help him even if you had.  You helped, Thomas, that was enough," I reassured.

"Did I?" Patton muttered, eyes darkening.

I blinked in confusion.  "Pardon?" I asked, adjusting my glasses in confusion, as if adjusting them would make this situation clearer.

"Did I really help Thomas?"

"I am not entirely sure what you mean," I admitted.  "Of course you helped.  What makes you believe that you did not."

"You had things under control," Patton was avoiding my eyes.  "And then I had to go and show up, make him a mess again."

"I'll admit I am still not sure what you mean," I repeated.  "You helped.  Thomas calmed down."

Patton shook his head.  "That wasn't me - that was because poor Anxiety had a seizure and Thomas's anxiety went away.  That wasn't me," Patton's voice cracked.  "I just stood there and had a meltdown."

"Well," I couldn't deny that Patton had gotten quite... emotional, but that was only to be expected.  "Certainly Thomas appreciated you being there," I reasoned.

Patton shook his head, not believing me.  "I only made things worse, Lo! I arrived and he was crying, and I didn't help at all!" Patton cried out, sniffing as he shoved his glasses up and used the other hand to wipe away the tears falling uncontrollably down his cheeks.