Dear Michael | clifford

Letter 4

 Sepember 9th, 2013

Dear Michael,

I hope you’re not mad at me for not being there for you anymore but I promise I’m watching you from above.

You probably have so many questions running through your head right now.

Why?

Why didn’t she say something?

Why did she leave me?

I will try to explain everything to you, Michael.

I never told you my whole story, not because I don’t trust you (I really do) but because I was scared that you would end up leaving and hating me.

I’m such a fucked up person.

People come into my life; they make me happy and then boom they decide to never talk to me again. I was afraid that that would happen to us one day. I was afraid that maybe you would tell other people about my story. I was afraid that everyone would think I’m insane, I swear I’m not.

I never even told my therapist the whole fucking story.

I was too scared. I still am.

But now I have enough courage to finally tell someone and that someone is you, Michael Clifford.

Isn’t that weird? Now that I know that I won’t be around for much longer anymore, I finally start to talk. Maybe it’s a bit late, but better late than never, right?

So…

I’m shaking so bad right now, sorry for my handwriting. I never told anyone anything of this. If you decide to tell someone, it’s okay. I’m dead. I won’t notice anymore but please don’t tell my family, especially not my little sister. She wouldn’t take it. Please.

Everything started in sophomore year. I was happy. Can you believe that Michael? I was fucking happy. I had friends, I had this huge crush on Adam King, he was a football player and he smiled at me every day in the hallway but that’s another story.

One day I came home early because one of my teachers was sick. At that time my aunt Clarice and my cousin Noah were at our house, like every year around Christmas time. This time my uncle Jack wasn’t with them because he had to work.

 Mom and Clarice had gone out to buy some groceries at the store. Noah was alone at home. As I entered through the door, he was watching TV. I greeted him and he asked if I wanted to watch TV with him, I just shrugged and joined him on the couch.

At first everything was normal. But then I noticed him staring at me.

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” He asked me. I looked at him surprised, no one had ever told me that, and it was weird to hear words like that coming out of my cousin’s mouth.

He scooted closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him.

My breathing hitched as I felt his breath on my neck. Suddenly he started to plant my neck with sloppy kisses.

I tried to push him away, Michael. I tried. But he was too strong for me.

Michael, my own cousin raped me.

And I can’t tell anyone, I feel so disgusting, so dirty. Every time I take a shower, I try to wash all my memories of him touching my body away. I shower for hours and my parents keep complaining why I always take so long.

But I can’t tell them.

I’m so sorry, Michael. I’m so fucking sorry.

And if you think this was everything I hid from people, you’re wrong.

Please don’t be mad at me and don’t beat Noah up. He is clever, he’ll make you seem like the bad person.

Shit, I can hear you coming to room. I have to stop now. I’m sorry.

Love always,

Mia

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wow this story sucks i'm so sorry

idk if i have already told you but this will probably be a short story

thank you for reading ily

bye