Take Care.

Chapter Four

This chapter includes: Self harm, Homophobic language ( interpreted) and suicidal thoughts. Please be safe and don't read unless you are certain you won't do something to hurt yourself if you read this. enjoy! Xx

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I had been cutting for 4 months. No one noticed. Not even Hope. My days became very dull, very quickly. Wake up, get dressed, go to school, go home, cut, cry myself to sleep. It was my routine. I wanted to die, because I couldn't take the pressure of having to be alive anymore. Yet still no one noticed. Then a girl I had known since nursery  decided to talk to me and she looked at me in a way that made me so warm I couldn't help but want to talk to her, so we hung out more. It was almost perfect, me, Hope and her. She made my days better, I liked her, in a way I was brought up to not like her. But I was feeling brave so I declared my feelings for her, that's how I got my first girlfriend. She was so nice to me all the time, she made my first kiss so unforgettable, she also noticed. When no one else noticed, not even my best friend, she noticed. She saw the cuts on my wrist and she kissed them. She didn't ignore me, she didn't break up with me, she noticed. She's the reason I got help, she's the reason Hope was always there for me and it was all going ok for a bit. I was getting better at not cutting and talking to people, my relationship was loving and my best friend was there for me. But then my birthday arrived. I usually love my birthday and for most of that day I did, but then my mum went threw my phone after asking to use it and I hadn't deleted the messages between me and her. That night was probably one of the worst nights of my life. I can't really remember much apart from having to break up with her, being asked "Why can't you be normal?!", being called few other names that I refuse to repeat and then eventually denying it all. I wasn't going out with a girl because I had feelings for her, I just wanted attention from someone. That was my reason.

I didn't leave my bedroom for a whole week. She wouldn't talk to me. I was so upset. So I waited until everyone was asleep, messaged the significant people in my life, went into the bathroom and just as I was about to do something I would regret, I got a message. I wished it was her. It wasn't, it was Hope, and that was better because she was their for me and she stopped me and she loved me and I have always been so thankful for my best friend, even more so that she saved my life and got me through something I hoped, at the time, would be the end.

But when she wanted to kill herself, instead of being there for her, instead of stopping her,               I didn't notice. 

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Look who updatedddd. Sorry I haven't for the past couple of days, I went back to school for the first time in a month (had pneumonia) so it was all hectic but now I'm back in a routine so hopefully the uploads shall be regular. Once again lovelies tell me what you think in the comments, message me if you want and follow me because I am starting another story soonnn!