I knew that the whole thing was a bad idea from the beginning. I sat in my car, holding my phone after texting Luke to pick me up.
Even though I drove there, crying with my condition put me at risk of passing out while driving.
Thankfully, Ashton was no where to be seen.
My shoulders trembled, but my mind couldn't wrap itself around what had just happened.
I thought I was more to him than just someone that he could fuck on an almost daily basis.
I thought that my opinion, my existence, my company, had some sort of importance to him as his was to me.
But apparently I was wrong.
I broke into a new fret of hysteria, hitting my head repeatedly on my steering wheel.
I hesitantly turned the radio on, letting Kaleidoscope by Blink-182 fill my ears.
I sat straight against my seat, trying to calm myself down, but I felt uneasy in my locked and off car.
I closed my eyes, I swear it was only for a second.
But I didn't want to open them.
Slowly the sound of the pulsing music left my ears and it was just static.
I didn't feel my arms or legs, but the darkness seemed to darken with every second.
I couldn't open them, but I didn't want to. I felt safe, protected, and at peace.
My mind began to drift off to a land of bliss. It was like a movie passing by my mind in snaps.
Here and there little bits of my childhood.
Luke, my parents, and me laughing at the dinner table during Christmas.
The last days of school before summer holiday saying goodbye to my friends for just a few weeks.
All of it was positive for a while.
Then it all changed.
It was everything hat I never wished to relive again.
My first pet's horrific death, my parents fighting when I was a child, the fights I had lost, the girlfriends my brothers had that hated me for no reason.
Everything was adding up.
All the words and pain that I had experienced in my life say on my shoulders like a toddler at a festival.
Except they weighed me down to my knees.
I struggled to breathe, keep oxygen circulating in my body.
But then the pressure was gone, I could breathe.
But the grief and sorrow remained there, imbedded into my brain.
Lazily, I opened my eyes into a squint against the bright light in the room.
I heard a sigh of relief escape from my brother beside me. "What happened?" I wondered out loud.
His face dropped instantly. "you called, so I came, but it was so hot and you wouldn't open the door. I screamed, but you didn't move. I knew that if I didn't get you out, you'd be a goner. Heat stroke, I mean it was forty two degrees in there when I knocked the glass out of the window. But you're okay."
With his last word, everything came back. Okay was used as a word to describe things that were in bad condition, but no one wanted to admit it.
Tears prickled at the edge of my eyes.
"Maybe you should've left me in there."
