HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ASH MY BABY MY SON I LOVE HIM.
It was irregular.
Everything was, but what did I really expect.
I was a bed bound teenage girl who didn't have a choice but to lay in bed all day.
My window slid open. I paused my Netflix program and peered at it expectantly.
I had gotten surprisingly good at keeping myself chill so that I wouldn't have attacks anymore.
I saw a giant mop of caramel waves tumble into my room with a bandana secured around them.
I sighed as Ashton stood up. I really didn't have the patience or energy to ask him to leave, so I ignored him completely.
"Are you just going to ignore me?" He questioned in aggravation.
Yes.
Instead of speaking, I kept my eyes glued to my episode of Grey's Anatomy, hoping he'd give up and leave.
That wasn't the case.
He plopped down onto my mattress with me, turning and looking at me intently.
I rolled my eyes as I glanced at him.
"You're gonna have to talk to me sometime." he states with a sigh.
"No, I won't. " I counter.
His face lit up when I responded.
"Oh, so you'll talk now?" He asked excitedly.
I groan, "what do you want?"
His expression softens as he grabs my hand. "I wanted to come and apologize about it. About us."
I looked away from him.
Really? Why did he have to come in here and bug me about the whole thing when it's all I think about anyway?
"It wasn't fair for me to use you, and I regret ever thinking about you like that. You're a really cool person and I love hanging out with you. Now that you aren't, I'm lonely, and I never thought that someone could make me as happy as you do." He said most of this in one breath.
"Ash, you have plenty of friends, what about your band?" I point out.
He shifts. "They are cool, but I can't just talk to them. Everything is about the band, but with you, I can just call and talk about whatever the fuck I want."
I nod understandingly, to a point, he was right. We used to talk for hours on end about random stuff happening around us.
"Does this mean we are cool?" He asks softly.
I exhale audibly, "I'm still upset, but yeah. I missed you too."
He grinned lazily, facing the television.
I couldn't help but think of the times we had spent the day just hanging out. Sometimes, everything was fine.
There were others that I was a crying mess, or others where he would rant about things.
Sometimes he got angry enough to punch a hole in the wall and ended up making me cry because I didn't want to see him like that.
Either way, deep down, I knew that he had to have cared at least a little bit.
I ended up falling asleep, but when I woke up, he was gone.
