Shatter Me

Colin's P. O. V.

I stumble back into the kitchen, my chest heaving. How was he here?? Was it really him? I shut my eyes tight, trying to regulate my breathing. In, out. In, out. Then I open my eyes again, searching for someone, anyone. I spot Katie.

"Kate!" I yell. She turns her head, eyebrows furrowed. She must know something's up, considering I only ever use that version of her name in extreme cases.

"Colin, what is it?" she says as she rushes to my side. I swayed a little on unsteady legs.

"I can't serve them. I can't," I breathe. Katie frowns and looks through the window at the two men.

"What? Why...what's going on, Colin?" she asks. I shake my head, not trusting my voice. She huffs. "Fine, I'll take your shift, but you owe me an explanation, mister." I nod in agreement as she pulls off her apron and hands it to me, walking out the double doors to the booth where the two are now sitting.

When my shift is finally over, I pack on my layers of jackets and head out into the frosty air again. On my way home, I stop at a bakery and get some bagels for me and Katie. By the time I finally get home, Katie's already there, waiting for me. She's standing outside the door, hands on her hips. I look at her with what I hope is an expression of apology. Her eyebrows raise.

"So who were they?" she asks.

"Oh come on, Katie, can't we do this once we're inside?" I complain. She shakes her head.

"Nope. I deserve an explanation," she demands.

"Katie, please. Don't make me do this right now," there must have been something in the way I spoke, because Katie's expression softens. She reaches a hand toward me.

"Oh, Col, what is it? What's going on with you?" she says softly.

"It's nothing. Just...that man. The blonde one. He looked like someone I used to know. Someone I cared about. Someone who...died," I struggle to push the words out and once they are, they hang between us in a dreadful silence. Katie's face morphs to sympathy and she reaches toward me again. I lean away from her touch.

"I said it was nothing. Now let's go inside. I'm freezing," I half expect her to argue, but she just follows me through the door in silent resignation.

A painfully false lightness fills the air as I toast our bagels. Katie's at the computer, typing. I push the toaster handle down and read over her shoulder. 'Roommate Wanted' she types. I raise my eyebrows.

"So what are you gonna do, just tell them my name or whatever?" I ask. She chuckles a bit.

"Well I gotta tell them what you're like first, I mean who's gonna agree to be a roommate for someone who they don't really know?" she answers. I stay silent, thinking. For some reason, a distant memory popped into my head.

I'm in my room, studying the book Gaius got for me, when suddenly there's a knock at the door.

"Merlin, Prince Arthur's here to see you," Gaius's voice is muffled through the wood. I scramble to hide the book of magic and stand, for some reason feeling the need to tame my wild hair.

"Uh, yeah. Come in," I say. Gaius and Arthur enter and Arthur looks at me pointedly. "What is it, Sire?" I ask.

"You really don't remember?" he replies. I shake my head slowly.

"Um, did I forget to polish your armor?" Arthur barks out a laugh.

"No you fool. Today's your birthday!" he exclaims. I blink.  I had forgotten.

"Oh, that doesn't really matter, I'm just a servant," I mean it to come out as nonchalant, but my voice is weak, and falters at the end.

"Of course it matters, don't be an idiot, Merlin. Come on, we're going on a trip," Arthur claims. I groan inwardly.

"Arthur, I really don't think a trip with you and the other knights making fun of me the whole time is the best thing to do for a birthday..." I trail off.

"Nonsense. Besides, the other knights won't be there. It'll just be us. Two friends on a day out. Now come along Merlin," he orders and I glance at Gaius before scampering after him.

"Colin? Colin!" I snap back to reality. Katie's standing up, looking at me, a frightened look in her eyes.

"What?" I say.

"Oh thank god wow. I thought you had gone brain dead or something. You've been standing there all wide eyed for like, twenty seconds. What happened?" she asks.

"I, uh, nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," I apologize. Katie huffs.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the bagels are done and we gotta clean up around here," she says and turns back to the computer, putting some finishing touches on the ad. I glance around. She's right. It's a mess. Dirty laundry and old dishes sit around on tables and chairs. The carpet is in dire need of sweeping, and there's a mildewy smell in the air. I guess when you're 923 years old, you tend to start thinking that cleaning is a trivial thing. Then again, when you're 923 years old, you tend to start thinking everything is a trivial thing. I make my way into the kitchen, dodging cups and bowls on the way. I butter the bagels and put cream cheese on Katie's. I never really liked cream cheese, myself. I grab us a couple paper towels and sit with Katie at the computer desk, crunching into my buttery bagel.

When we've finished our bagels, Katie forwards the ad to Johnny Capps, the newspaper editor guy. Then we spend an hour or so straightening up furniture. Katie throws my laundry into a basket to be taken to the laundromat, and I clean up all the dishes, putting them neatly into cabinets.

"You're pretty good at this cleaning up stuff," Katie notices. I shrug.

"I've had a lot of practice," I admit.

"You wouldn't know that by looking around this place," she mutters. I smile at that and grab a vacuum, plugging it in. But then I'm swept into another memory (pardon the pun).

"Move, Merlin!" Arthur's bossy voice rings out, clear as day. I hoist the shield up and run in zigzag patterns while Arthur hurls knives and axes at me. He's had a tough day. First him and Gwen had a fight, and then he received news of Morgana and Mordred traveling along the western border.

"What are they planning?" he asks no one in particular through gritted teeth. I stay silent, all my concentration taken up by trying not to be impaled. When he is finally finished, I let the shield drop with a groan and stand up, my back aching. Arthur looks at me as if he's just noticing I'm there.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," he says.

"You are?" I ask before I can stop myself. Arthur frowns.

"Well I wouldn't say it if I wasn't. Now come on, there's work to do. I've got a meeting with the knights in half an hour and I need you to wash my clothes, polish my armor, and clean my room," he demands. I roll my eyes, but a faint smile plays at my lips. I lean down to pick up the shield as Arthur walks away. Fear suddenly descends over me as I watch him leave. That druid had said Mordred would be Arthur's undoing. And now it seems as though him and Morgana are planning something, something big.

I come back to reality a bit slower than last time, blinking. Katie hadn't noticed, thankfully. She was currently wiping down the counters in the kitchen. Suddenly I was overcome with gratitude and love for my friend. I grinned at her, even though she couldn't see it, and started the vacuum.

It's two days later when we receive the call. Katie answers it, and when she hands the phone to me, I'm not sure what to expect, but I certainly don't expect his voice to be what speaks to me. When I hang up the phone, I'm smiling a big, uncontrollable smile. I try to hide it when Katie turns to me, but it's no use.

"What are you smiling at?" she asks.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," I say and plop down into my couch, content.