A/N: I thought of this song as the chapter's soundtrack. It felt like I was the one recovering for heartbreak as I edited this chapter, so I thought to add it. Also, I love Sabrina's voice ••••
I hate being hurt. Whether it was physical or emotional, I hated it and it toll it brought to my body.
It had been exactly four weeks since the incident at the stadium, and for two weeks Jesse had been calling and sending me messages almost every hour on a daily basis. I had forgiven him for what happened, but I couldn't see myself being in his space, knowing that I would be competing with girls like his ex-girlfriend, or trying not to start a fight with his mother. It felt like a weak excuse, but it was the only one that made me feel like I was being rationally emotional about everything. That, and I knew that I was making his mother happy by staying away - so it was a win situation for someone.
I was still young and had a bright future ahead of me, and it was like my mother said, "Certain things happen to the strongest people, in order to test their strength and make them stronger, ngoan'a ka". Despite my personal drama, I managed finish all my exams and pass my first semester to well, and was now preparing for lunch with my sister Nthabileng, along with my friends Banele and Mamello, at a restaurant in the trendy suburb of Parkhurst.
Looking over my outfit of high-waist jeans with a long-sleeved crop top, scarf, ankle boots and a blazer, I fix my hair into a bun before grabbing my stuff and heading out, deciding to drive my car instead of ordering a cab. As I arrive, I spot Nthabi, Banele and Mamello, as well as someone else I couldn't recognize from afar.
As I neared the table, I almost turned around and walked back out when I realized that the other guest was Casey, looking at me with a sad expression, but my sister stood up ready to catch me and everyone knew that she was the athletic one in school while I was the cultural student. "Uh, hey guys. I didn't know we could invite other people", I coldly noted as I took a seat. Casey quickly shakes her head, "No, I actually bumped into your sister just outside the restaurant's entrance, and I realized that I had a way to talk to you".
I sighed and threw myself in my seat, calling over the waiter and asking for a glass of wine, despite it being just after midday. "I don't think there's much to talk about". Nthabileng scoffs and I roll my eyes. "I think there is Lesedi. What are you and my brother?", Casey asks. "I...I don't even know at this point", I answer vaguely. "Why?", I quickly shift myself, folding my arms.
Casey looks around and lets out a sigh, "Ever since the incident with Kimberly, he hasn't been himself, in a way". I look at her confused, but didn't say anything as the waiter dropped off my glass of wine before she continued. "He was almost dropped to the bench by the coach in his last training sessions, but he got his act together when his mates intervened. Lesedi, Jesse misses you more than you think, and he hates what happened at the stadium", she said.
I sighed and blinked away the impending tears. This was not the place to have an emotional breakdown. "I figured that part out with all the persistent phone calls, but Casey, I've already been through this, and I don't want to go back with that fear and doubt lingering in my mind of what would happen", I explained. "What fear?", she challenged. "The fear that he may cheat or that someone like that blonde ex of his may take advantage", Nthabileng answers softly.
"B-But Jesse doesn't cheat", Casey insists. "But he didn't push her away before I showed up", I pointed out. Silence surrounds us, with the four of us struggling to find the right words to move on from what was said. Suddenly, I was losing my appetite and was eager to get home again. "Lesedi, do you...do you love my brother?", Casey suddenly asked.
My head snapped towards Casey, her eyes looking shocked at my reaction, as if I had already answered her. I knew how I felt weeks ago, but hearing someone's voice say it out loud was just another knock to my heart, reminding me that I couldn't remove Jesse from my life even if I tried, and that despite my reluctance, I didn't want to not be his girlfriend. However, that fear of the unknown was quiet prominent in my head, irritatingly reminding me of my last relationship - one where I was cheated on, and another where I was manipulated on by a certified asshole.
"You have to understand that Kimberly is reaching for a goal that Jesse destroyed when they broke up before they left high school. She wanted to be that partner that's associated with a big time rugby player in South Africa, with the hope that he'd move overseas. It helped that my mom saw her as the model fit, ideal wife who'd give her beautiful, blond babies like her and Jesse", Casey explained sombre.
"If mom says jump, Kim will ask how high, but Jesse wanted nothing to do with her after high school and he's told me quite often that he wished you had stayed to hear him tell Kimberly where to get off, but he understood your pain. He just wants you back".
"I-I...can't Casey. My heart wants to leap and say 'I forgive him', but my brain is busy saying 'don't forget' and it reminds me of my pain. I don't know if I fully accept and bring him back. You have to understand that didn't look like an ambush, it was like two exes reuniting", I said, my voice breaking at the end.
"Then at least tell him that. Tell Jesse where you stand. If it means the end of the road, then let it end, but with you two face to face. Don't be the coward in this Lesedi, I know you're a strong soul", Casey said, leaning in.
I take a long sip of wine and wipe a tear, "How though? He's hardly alone. If he's not with his teammates, he's with his family, and you can't tell me that Kimberly is not there - I've got the pictures".
"Pictures? From who?", Casey asked confused. I looked at her mirroring her look, "I kept getting them from social media. I've received two pictures of your family at home and a restaurant and Kimberly is there with him. That's why I don't have the strength to face Je...Nope, no strength", I muttered.
Wow, I didn't have the emotional strength to say his name anymore.
"Kimberly was invited by mom, even my father dislikes her in our presence because of how depressed Jesse's become. We can think of a place to talk to him. I could even convince André and Thabang to keep him at home so you can visit him, if you want a private space", Casey suggested.
"Why don't you do it at the rugby game?", Mamello says, smiling softly at me. "That way you guys can speak either before or after the game, once everyone has left for the celebrations or consolation drinks. That way, you two can part without drama", she suggests.
"No, I couldn't. It's the final...", I cried in protest. "Oh, but you could Sedi. You showing up could give him motivation and then you can speak afterwards", Banele commented, before going quiet as she ate a few of the chips which I hadn't noticed were on the table.
I cover my face, having an internal debate on whether I agree or back out, but the ladies were right. I had to do it face to face, and not be the coward here. I just couldn't put my heart through that much pain again. "Okay", I whisper. "I'll do it. When's the final game?" Casey and Nthabileng release loud sighs as if they were waiting on my answer to determine the fate of their lives as well as mine.
"It's tomorrow night. I can take you if you would like me to". I nod at Nthabi, who squeezes my hand in comfort. "Thank you so much Lesedi. I know this hurts, but I don't want you and Jesse to keep suffering. Rather just end it if it's not going anywhere positive right?" I shrug and finish my wine, suddenly regretting the drive over here.
—- — A/N: What do you think? Is Lesego not being rational enough? Should she forgive him since he didn't initiate the kiss?
Let me know in the comments
Also - here's an inspo picture of Casey, played a photo that I found on Pinterest
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
