Collecting Misery

Chapter 5 - Part 1

A/N: Song "Too Late to Say Goodbye," by Cage the Elephant.

Ten Years Ago

I sat up on the uncomfortable hospital bed groaning as I stretched my arms. It had been five weeks since the surgery. Today, I'd finally received the external transmitter, meaning I could hear again. 

I wanted to go for a run, but the doctor had said that shifting would probably destroy the cochlear implant. My wolf would slowly heal me. It was just a matter of time. I smiled at Alexander, but my smile faltered at the conflicted expression on his face.

"Izzy, I've got something to tell you." Alexander looked anywhere but at my eyes; his fists were clenched and his voice was barely above a whisper as if each word he said hurt more than the one before. He sighed. "I failed you. I just... I can't." He stood up front the chair and started pacing.

I wished my favorite voice in the world was just a little happier right now. My other wounds had healed and I was itching to get away from here. Hospitals were too white and dull. All those sleepless nights here must have gotten him.

"Tell me that you're taking me for ice cream, seeing that you came empty-handed." I gave him a nasty look.   

He stopped pacing and stared, baffled. "I adore you." He grinned and came sit on the bed. "Empty-handed? I brought you roses and a teddy bear."

He was back to normal. These couple of weeks had been horrible. We needed to go back to how it was before.

"Allie, there's something you need to know, and as your best friend and kind-of-girlfriend, I feel like it's my responsibility to inform you of this."

"Okay...?" He tilted his head cutely. That confused look on his face was precious. Would it be too creepy if I collected pictures of all of his adorable facial expressions? Maybe... "Izzie?"

"Oh, sorry. I got lost in thought."

Alexander chuckled. "Nothing new there."

I narrowed my eyes at him and he flinched but then picked up the teddy bear. With a boyish grin, he moved its tiny arms with its hands. "I'm sowy, Izzy."

Here he was: Alexander Hunter, the Alpha of the Blood River Pack playing with a teddy bear and making childish voices. I laughed. Now, this was something that deserved to be recorded. "I'll forgive you if you never do that again."

He put the teddy bear down on the bed and cleared his throat. "Let's never mention this, ever. What was what you were gonna inform me about?"

"Oh, that: If you ever see a sad girl, give her ice cream, cheesecake, Nutella, chocolate... and any kind of berries because fruits are healthy."

"Why would I give her all that? She would yell at me that I'm trying to make her fat." His confused look was back and my heart was melting. I just wanted to hug him and never let him go.

"You really are clueless, aren't you?" I smirked and looked at him sideways. "Every girl needs a little sweetness in her life!"

"A little sweetness in her life? That sounds like a pickup line."

"Pfft... You're lucky I like you, otherwise, I'd be out there getting all the girls."

He snorted a laugh. "I believe you. You'd be such a player."

I was wrong. He wasn't back to normal. There was something wrong. Something deeply worried him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have let me change the subject so easily. 

He would much rather get to the point just to get over with it. Whatever he had to tell me was serious and probably life-changing. A pang of pain stabbed my heart. Tomorrow was my birthday. I probably wouldn't have another opportunity to tell him what I had found out that day I almost lost him.

I smiled but then looked into his eyes. "To be honest, if you're my mate, no matter what I'd always be yours." He gasped and his lower lip quivered. I took his hands in mine. "You could break my heart or chase me away from here, but if you were to need an ally, I'd always be on your side--even if we aren't mates. I--"

He leaned in and hugged me, almost squeezing the air out of me. "Why are you telling me this?" His sorrowful voice was almost a murmur. "You almost died because I'm too weak."

I hugged him back burying my face in his chest and taking in his delicious scent. "I'm telling you this because I know that you blame yourself for what happened, and tomorrow is my birthday. I'm not sure, but I feel something. Allie, are you my--?"

He pulled away and before I could even gasp, he caught my lips with his. Unlike our usual kisses, this one started rough, hungry, almost as if time was against us. I returned his kiss with the same urgency. 

My heart fluttered. He was my mate. I didn't need my wolf to tell me this. Our souls belonged together, then why did this feel like a goodbye kiss? 

Alexander broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. "I'm madly in love with you, Felicity. My heart will always belong to you." He kissed my forehead. "Let's go get you that ice cream."

I took deep breaths to calm my ragged breathing. "What about what you had to tell me?" 

"I'll tell you later."

The severity of his tone was worrisome. He was using the same tone dad had used when he was about to tell me that my goldfish had died. I would've rather not hear what he had to say.

Present

It had been a goodbye kiss. My younger-self knew him too well because the next day he had done just what she had said. He had shattered my heart into tiny pieces. Some of them wouldn't ever be recovered.

I sat up, still staring at the grey mold-covered wall. This corner was so cold. The ground was always wet and black mold had grown in every crack. I used to despise the cold, but I'd learned to embrace it at some point. 

That point had been the night of my eighteen birthday. I had tried to sleep on the roof. The icy breeze of that Winter night had stabbed my skin while my wolf was too heartbroken to protect me. I had wished to freeze to death, but Alexander wouldn't allow me to. He had come after me and carried me to a cell with a comfy bed.

His thoughtfulness had been more painful than the numbing cold. However, he had changed. He wasn't the person he was once, and it'd been all his fault. The hate I felt for him had grown almost as strong as the love I'd once felt. His sole presence woke up all the violent instincts in me.

I wanted to hurt him, badly. Nonetheless, probably, maybe, perhaps I still loved him. I bit my lower lip. How could I lie to myself when my own body betrayed me? My chest hurt just of thinking of never seeing him again. I chuckled. What a weak lovestruck woman I had become.

But, he was Alexander, my Allie, and he needed help. I had said that I would be his ally no matter what. This was why we were mates. I wasn't ready to try to be lovers, but I wanted my best friend back. 

He was also a person that kidnapped and hurt people. He hadn't respected our bond. No, he didn't deserve forgiveness--not one bit.

I had to forgive him, though--if not for him, for myself. Hating so hard wasn't good for me. I stood up and held my breath as I slowly turned around. We locked eyes and I almost forgot to breathe again.

This is my soulmate.

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A/N: Question:

What are your expectations for this book?

What would you like to see?

What do you definitely would hate to happen?

Even more important: Pizza or Ice Cream?