Paperboy | Fillie

t w e n t y - o n e

The week was uneventful.

Besides the glares that Noah gave me all week in the halls, nothing happened further. I was grateful for this. Sort of. A part of me felt like I deserved to be hurt though I wouldn't voice that out loud.

I usually looked forward to the weekends because that meant seeing Millie but now there wasn't really anything to look forward to. Would she still be in the tree? If she was would she talk to me? I had hope that she would because after all, she was wearing my hoodie when I last saw her and she still hadn't given it back. Maybe that meant she was just taking time away and would eventually talk to me. Maybe I was just thinking too hard about it. I didn't know what to expect and tomorrow was already Saturday.

The only thing I could say happened that was good was that the rain had stopped. It was still pretty cold, but I didn't mind the cold that much.

Sadie had been over every day of the week. I just wanted to nap most of the time but she was glad to join me or do her homework while I slept. I think she just knew I wasn't in too good of a place so she wanted to keep an eye on me. It bugged me a little that she didn't trust me alone but I couldn't really blame her really.

We were sitting on my bed now, some cheesy Netflix show playing on Sadie's laptop. I wasn't really paying attention, my thoughts on a certain short-haired, brown-eyed girl.

"Did you hear me?"

I looked to Sadie, noticing that she was off the bed and her laptop was in her arms.

"No sorry. What were you saying?"

She sighed and gave me a sad smile.

"I have to go home."

"I thought you were spending the night?"

She shook her head.

"My mom wants me home tonight so she's picking me up. Dad's flying in earlier than expected, sorry."

I nodded. I knew how much Sadie loved her dad. She only got to see him every so often because he was gone a lot.

"Okay, I'll see you soon then?"

She nodded and kissed my cheek.

"Bye Finn, love you."

"Love you too Sades."

She left then, leaving me in the quiet with my thoughts. I rolled over and turned my light off, really just wanting to go to sleep again. Tomorrow was stressing me out and it wasn't even here yet. I closed my eyes and willed my thoughts to shut up. Sleep was easy to catch during the day but so hard when it actually came time to go to bed.

Only a couple minutes had passed before I decided that I couldn't handle it anymore. I walked to the kitchen and opened up the medicine cabinet. It had to be here somewhere. I searched through everything and finally found the pills I was looking for.

Sleeping pills.

I had taken these after Iris left. The doctor said I had insomnia and that I should take one when I needed to sleep. My mom usually told me when to take them because if it was up to me, I probably would have taken them too often.

I stopped taking them after a while because I was able to fall asleep on my own for the most part. Now, I couldn't sleep though, and that's what they were made for. I opened them up and swallowed one of the white pills dry.

I walked back to my room and laid down, throwing the blankets all the way over my head. I sighed as I felt my body start to relax after a couple minutes. Sleep came quick.

I woke up to the sun in my face. It was weird to see it after days of nothing but cloudy skies. I opened my eyes a little and then squeezed them shut tightly. I felt relaxed. It was probably the best sleep I've had at night all week. I got up, walking over to my dresser and pulling out some jeans. I glanced back at my alarm clock and almost screamed.

I was already an hour late to get my papers. I threw the pants on the floor, no time to change out of my sweats now. I grabbed a hoodie that was thrown over the edge of my bed and ran downstairs. I slipped my shoes on that were by the door and ran to the garage.

It didn't take long to pick up my papers, and soon enough I was delivering them. I passed the tree, a little disappointed that Millie wasn't there. Looking at it now, it was just a tree. Without Millie it was plain and boring. I wasn't really expecting her to be there anyway, but I was still hopeful. I came up to her house, going a little slower as I put the paper in her mailbox carefully.

Now that I thought of it, I wondered why she asked me for papers when I delivered them to her house all the time. Maybe her dad or mom read them and didn't give them to her.

As I passed the tree again I slowed down to a complete stop and looked at it sadly. My hand went to my pocket and I pulled out the crunchy paper where the words were leaking a little from being wet. My eyes scanned the sentence and I sighed.

Ps. I think you're my best friend.

Why did I have to go and screw everything up? Why did I push Sadie to tell me? Why did I feel the urge to know so bad? I regret it.

I shook my head as if to shake the bad thoughts away and then placed the paper back in my pocket. I looked in my bag, my eyes catching the blue pen I always kept in there. An idea popped into my head. It was dumb and she probably wouldn't even see it but it was worth a try.

I pulled out the paper I usually kept for myself and uncapped the pen, holding the top between my teeth. I removed the rubberband tied around the rolled up paper opened it up to the front page. I thought for a couple seconds as I stared at the paper. I then began scribbling over the words I didn't need.

Sadie and Iris had gone through a phase when we were fourteen where they were super into blackout poetry. I never found the beauty in it like they did but now it seemed like what I was supposed to do. I put a square around the section that I wanted her to see and then rolled the paper back up in satisfaction. I capped the pen and tossed it back into my bag.

I put it in the tree, in the spot I was so used to seeing her in. I sighed and then rode off, the words I had left on the page running through my head.

It can't be the end of our world.

☆☆

Hello I should be sleeping but I have a ton on my mind.

The past few days have been a lot but I'm gonna try to finish up editing all of this quicker so I can move onto other things.

Love you guys a ton.