Paperboy | Fillie

f o r t y - t w o

March fourteenth.

This day had always been hard on me and Sadie. We kind of dreaded it for the past couple years. We would never forget it or miss it though, not for the world.

This time it was going to be different. After lots and lots of late night talks, Sadie and I agreed that we should take Noah and Millie. Sadie thought that since we had pretty much learned everything about their lives, they deserved to be let in on something that was so big in ours.

I woke up earlier than usual. There was school today, but Sadie's parents already knew we were skipping. I walked to Sadie's room despite the fact that the sun wasn't even up still. I opened the door and our eyes immediately locked in the very dim lighting.

"Couldn't sleep?"

I shook my head at her question. She sat up and patted the spot next to her on the bed. I walked over and sat down, pulling a pillow to my chest and hugging it tightly.

"Are you ready for today?"

She didn't say anything at first, and I could tell she was thinking about the question.

"Honestly, this time I feel like I am."

I nodded at her answer and agreed.

"Me too."

We were quiet again. There was a lot to say but neither of us said anything. It was a dim day, and maybe the light never seemed to come out on this day. Who knew though, because this day felt different than the others.

"I watched the DVD."

Sadie spoke the words quietly like it hurt her to say them.

"You did?"

She nodded.

"With Noah."

I nodded back.

"I watched mine with Millie."

She turned to me and a small smile came over her face.

"You know, usually whenever I talk about her or see something of her, I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness. This time, I didn't though. I felt...happy. I felt like a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Like I was finally getting the closure I needed."

I couldn't agree more. Only a couple months ago I was crying while telling Millie the story, almost having a full on panic attack because of it. Now, I was able to watch that video and I was able to go through her things without feeling that way anymore.

"I feel the same way."

We were quiet for a couple seconds before Sadie spoke again.

"We should go get flowers like we usually do. But this time, from her backyard."

"Those were her favorite."

Sadie nodded and we both climbed off the bed. I couldn't help but notice that I had used the past tense and didn't correct myself.

Before, we used to just get her flowers from the shop in town because we were so scared to even step into the backyard next door. It really shows how much we've grown from then.

I didn't bother to put shoes on and neither did Sadie. March was still a little chilly in the morning but it wasn't anything too bad. The grass was cold but soft underneath my bare feet, and the sidewalk was cool. I never understand why Millie enjoyed not wearing shoes so much, and I don't think I ever will either. She was weird, but in a good way.

After picking a huge bouquet of flowers that we assorted nicely together and wrapped in tissue paper and newspaper, we went back and got ourselves ready. I took my time in the shower, thinking of all the things that could happen today and how Millie and Noah were going to be able to experience it with us.