Just thoughts about the universe

Feelings

Why do we as humans have feel?  Any feelings at all?  The good, the bad, the ones that give you butterflies, or the ones that twist your insides out.  Emotionally, i just want to turn off feeling, but physically, i wish i could feel more because i just feel numb.  Sometimes i feel like i'm drifting through space, i feel like i don't really belong anywhere and if i would float away nobody would notice because everyone else has someone else.  im replaceable, im unimportant, im annoying and some people would find life easier without me. All my friends have other friends they can hang out with if i cancel or whatnot because im replaceable.  I wish everyone could just be straight forward with everyone else because i hate trying to guess people's feelings.  I hate myself and so i think everyone else does too and that deep down no one really wants to be around me because im odd, and can be a bit gross at times and im just not a person that people like to be around. I don't know how to initiate conversation because i don't think people want to talk to me because who would?  i hate texting first because in always think im annoying and i think thats the reason i dont have many friends.  I seem like i hate everything when i actually don't, i feel like people think i dont like them because i dont talk to them and i dont know what to do because i can be friendly im just really shy.  Even teachers have stopped talking to me because i dont make eye contact or speak loudly or show a lot of interest because im bad at wearing my feelings on my face.