Just thoughts about the universe

is this real life, or it this just fantasy?

       Sometimes i think something is one way when it's actually the exact opposite.  Like when i think someone likes me.  In my own head, they like me and they'll keep looking at me when in reality, they probably just looked at me one time because that's what people do sometimes and it really meant nothing.  

I'll make up this whole big scenario in my head making myself think they like me and in the end I'll end up liking them because I thought that they liked me.  I don't really know why I do that but do.

Right now, I'm doing that thing with the guy I kinda had a thing with. We agreed just to be friends because trying to be more just wasn't working out as well as we first hoped.  At first I was fine with it.  It was working out great and it felt so much more comfortable.  But i felt like we still liked each other.  For example, one day I had a shirt one that said "work of art" and when he saw it was was like "Damn right".  That made me a little confused and made me question what I had heard.  Another is all the memes he sends me.  Some of them are about relationships and that also confused me because I still like him and thought maybe he still liked me.  Maybe I read too much into this situation.  

Turns out I did read too much into that relationship because earlier this week he told me he liked one of my best friends and wanted to ask her to the dance.  I told myself i was okay with that because he's allowed to have his own opinions and he's allowed to like who he likes.  But the more I think about it, the more i'm not okay with it.  I just don't understand why. Why does he like my friend?  Why not me?  What does she have that I don't?  I think we have more in common so why her?  I mean besides the fact that she's an amazing person.  It's probably because I don't really know how to hold a conversation, or talk in general about anything to anyone especially to someone I like.  

I hate myself for being like this.  I don't want to be like this.    But I never know what to talk about, and other times words won't even come out of my mouth.  i probably just need to stop thinking about all of this because i'm only hurting myself.