Everytime I take a step forward to a happier me I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a dark hole within myself. This voice is whispering in my ear everytime I drop my guard. Quit. Give up. You're useless. No one cares about you. If you died they wouldn't find your body. They wouldn't notice you're gone. You're worth nothing. Can't you tell? Why are you trying. Just give up. Give up. Give up. If I let the voice whisper and I don't stop it, the voice stops whispering and starts talking. If I let the voice talk and I don't stop it, the voice starts screaming. Screaming at me to give up. What's the use? Nothing. I'm nothing. I'm worth nothing and the world and the people in it don't know me. So why would my disappearance mean anything to anyone? I feel myself falling into the hole of self hate and despair and worthlessness and I don't want to get back up. Like waves beating on you, pulling you on, drowning you before you can get a gasp of air, you're underwater again. Sometimes I just want to end it all. I feel so alone as I'm dying. I watch people how seem to ride the waves that I am drowning in. I ask myself how can they have it together so well? You ride the waves of my despair and worthlessness like it's nothing. Please tell me how you overcome this. Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I think I would just be better if I just finished it. Just finish the desperate need to breathe. Just finish the loneliness of darkness. Just finish being nothing. Just finish everything. Help me. I'm falling down the hole that I don't think I can get out of. Help me. I'm trying to breathe. I just can't quite reach.
