QUEER | tayley

new kid

After several discussions with my mom, she's finally agreed to let me switch schools. Instead of completing my junior year at the local high school in Nashville, I'll instead attend the high school in Franklin. It's a bit farther away than my former school, but I think my mom agreed to it only so I would shut up.

My dad, still, is not okay with it. My brothers don't really care because they just want me to be happy and they're barely home as is, but my mom is becoming increasingly supportive as time goes on. Despite the disapproval of my dad, my mom still makes an effort to refer to me by the correct pronouns when around other people. With my dad, she keeps it the way he wants it to be. I've learned to just deal with it.

At my new school, it'll be a fresh start, where nobody will know me as the person I used to be. On the brightside, I'm content with my name as it is so being deadnamed is not an issue. In addition to the fresh start, I'll also be attending the same school as Zac. I've become so accustomed to sitting alone at lunch that it'll be weird to have someone with me.

—

My mother and I sit in my future principal's office as he goes on and on about how the school is "safe for everyone" and "totally intolerant of bullying". This is Tennessee, therefore I know he's telling us this information not because it's true, but because it's something we want to hear.

My mom and I are here to ensure that none of my teachers will, you know, misgender me. We also want to be sure that using the men's bathroom will not be an issue. The principal insists that I should just use the bathroom located in the Nurse's office, but that means walking all the way downstairs and all the way there just to pee. That seems very unnecessary in my opinion.

"People will know that I'm...different," I argue when he suggests that I use that restroom instead of the several restrooms designated for men. He gulps and looks down at a file set in front of him. I also add, "It'll just disrupt my education. It'll take longer for me to walk all the way to the Nurse's office than it would take to walk to the regular bathrooms. It's not helping anybody."

"Fair point," he says with wide, blue eyes. "Well, okay. But if it becomes a problem, then don't hesitate to let me know and to use the nurse's bathroom instead."

I roll my eyes and say, "Will do."

—

Less than one week after the meeting between me, my mom, and the principal, the dreadful school year begins. Zac and I walk into school together, my hands buried in the pockets of the ripped skinny jeans that I already regret wearing, considering the horrendous heat and the school's lack of air conditioning (which I was not aware of prior).

"Come on, I'll bring you to meet my friends," he says before guiding me towards two vending machines where two familiar looking males are located, with another guy appearing to be heading towards them. I've met them all before briefly, but Zac knows that I'm not very comfortable around too many people so he doesn't force me to be, well, social.

"Hey Zac, and uh, what was her name?" one of Zac's friends asks. I immediately feel an urge to walk away. They remember me, not enough to know my name but enough to know what I don't want them to know.

Zac quickly corrects them. "His name is Taylor. He just switched schools, it's his first day here."

I'm greeted by two brothers ― Joey and Jon ― and a foreign exchange student by the name of Logan.

"Sorry about that, I'm forgetful. Zac told me about that, but, yeah...It's good that I won't mess up your name at least," Joey says, apologizing for his mistake when it came to my pronouns. He laughs it off and I smile in return. I want to forget that happened, to move on.

"Where are you from?" Logan asks me.

"Well, I live in Nashville. Always have. Just needed a fresh start this year," I explain to him and the rest of the little group.

Logan quirks a brow and asks, "Why? Why did you decide that you needed a fresh start?"

Before I even manage to think of a response, Jon gives Logan a punch in the shoulder and whispers, "That's the guy that Zac told us about. You know...the guy without a dick." He says it as if Logan was being the rude one, but followed up by saying something far more offensive.

I pretend to have not heard his words, gulping as I look down at my hands. I know that Jon's intentions are most likely not fueled by malice, but instead by ignorance. I'm probably the first trans person he's ever met. Zac glances over at me, afraid that I heard Jon's rude words. Kind of sucks to be labeled like that, even though it's not wrong. It's just not the most graceful way to word it, is all.

"How about you? Where are you from?" I ask Logan. His body language seems to tell me that he's now slightly uncomfortable around me.

"Oh, I'm from New Zealand. I was a foreign exchange student last year and was able to do it again this year, obviously. Still trying to convince my parents to let me stay here or for them to move here. No luck so far."

They all begin talking about things that don't involve me, so I immediately zone out. Minutes later, I'm pulled from my short lived trance when I hear the bell that signals the beginning of first period, followed by a short announcement. "The time is 8:20. You have five minutes until first period. Have a nice first day, everybody!"

Zac directs me to my first period class, which ultimately results in him being late to his first class of the day. I don't know how I would do this without Zac's help.

I feel bad and apologize for causing him to be late for his first period class, but he just tells me to shut up and quit saying sorry. I apologize for my constant use of the word sorry, and then say sorry once more. In other words, I'm the most annoying friend ever.