QUEER | tayley

i think we have an emergency

warning: violence, transphobia

Not being able to speak to Hayley tears me apart. Whenever I notice new, masculine features that have appeared due to the testosterone, my first instinct is to go to Hayley and tell her all about it. But I can't.

Everyday, I catch her glancing up at me and looking away as soon as my eyes meet hers. It's awkward, but it almost feels as though we can read each other's minds. I like to think that she misses me, but that may just be wishful thinking.

The worst period of each school day is lunch. I've grown so accustomed to sitting with both Zac and Hayley that it feels abnormal to be without my ex girlfriend.

Usually, Zac is able to distract me. But when Zac isn't here to comfort and distract me, I allow my own thoughts to get the best of me.

Today happens to be one of the days where Zac did not come to school. Due to my best friend not being around to distract me, I stare at Hayley for almost the entirety of the lunch period. I only look away when our eyes meet, but never take too long to refocus my gaze on her.

She left me. I don't know if that means that she doesn't deserve me or I don't deserve her, but I'm leaning towards the latter.

Either way, our relationship is over and has been for weeks. I feel lost and numb without her. It feels as though a part of me is missing.

I watch as another boy — a senior by the name of Chad — takes a seat beside her during lunch. He wraps an arm around her, and although her body language says enough for me to know that she's uncomfortable with the situation, she doesn't move away from him.

She's probably happier with him. As far as I know, he's a pretty good guy. I don't even know what their relationship status is. They could just be friends, but the way he won't take his hands or eyes off of her suggests otherwise.

Although I hope that my suspicions are incorrect and they're just friends, I'm not an idiot. I recall the conversation between her and I in September, which, at this point, feels like an eternity ago. The conversation where she talked about all of her hookups. Maybe this guy is nothing more than a random hookup.

The thought alone is enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. I can't wait for this day to be over.

—

As soon as the final bell rings, I collect my belongings and rush out of the school. Since it's a Friday, and Zac and I almost always hang out on Fridays, I plan on walking to his house.

I keep my head down and my headphones in, not wanting to make any conversation or eye contact with anyone. Even with my attempt of ignoring everyone and everything, I'm stopped before I'm even off of school grounds.

It starts off with someone innocently bumping into me. Well, I initially assumed it was innocent, at least. As soon as I look up, I'm pushed against the red bricks of the school building. The back of my head meets the structure, causing me to wince in pain.

When I open my eyes, I notice one familiar face in front of me. Next to him is someone who I swear I have seen in school before but not enough to recall the name of.

"Come on, get him, Chad!" shouts the boy whose name I struggle to remember.

Chad takes a step closer to me, pinning my shoulders against the building. Through my peripheral vision, I see various students walking by. Nobody comes over to help, though. I can't say I'm surprised.

"You're Taylor, right?" Chad asks, although I assume he already knows the answer to that question.

"Who's that?" I ask.

"Shut up, smartass," he responds, removing one hand from my shoulder so he can punch me firmly in the stomach.

"You're the transsexual who broke Hayley's heart, aren't you?" he asks.

"No," I answer. Technically, she was the one who broke up with me, and therefore she has no reason to be heartbroken. So I'm not lying.

This time, he delivers a punch to my face. His friend laughs and cheers him on.

Instead of returning his hand to my shoulder, he wraps it around my throat. His grip around my neck is so tight that I struggle to breathe.

"Stay away from her. She hates you, freak. You're not normal."

He must notice that I'm genuinely struggling to breathe, because he loosens the grip he has around my neck. Still struggling to breathe, I'm just barely able to get out, "Okay, but you might want to save all of this choking for Hayley. She'll like it."

I think what really ticks him off is the smirk plastered to my face as I speak. I notice his jaw clench just before he lets go of me completely.

Instead of running away before he could do more damage, I breathlessly say, "Thanks for letting me go. Your mom's waiting for me."

His eyes go wide and before I can react, his fist meets my cheek. Him being as strong as he is, I instantly fall to the ground. He leans down and angrily says, "You're worthless. Hayley was the only person who cared about you, but she wants me now. You're a useless freak. Nobody would care if you dropped off the face of the earth."

Those words hurt me more than any of the physical pain that he has caused. I don't say anything else to him, just stare as I allow my tears and blood to mingle.

"Let's get out of here," Chad says to his friend before walking off. I force myself to sit up and immediately notice that many of my peers were watching, some of them even recorded it with their phones.

Using the wall to support myself, I am able to push myself to my feet. I can't go to Zac's house now, but I don't want to call my mom to pick me up either. At least not when I look like this.

So I call the last person I want to speak to.

"Hayley? Do you think you can drive me home? It's...it's an emergency."