lack

day and night

2014

I know how weird this must sound, but I think you see more at night. You see more Clearly. The light of the sun is distracting you from all the beauty in the world. I much prefer night to day. And I let myself believe that you did too.

You were beautiful and calm like night but, as I found out, misleading like day. 

I had not talked to Erika since our father was arrested, and I did not think I had to. I already knew what that phone call was going to be. She would ask me where I had been for the past month, and I would tell her it was none of her business. Then she would go on to tell me how he was still our dad and that the only thing that had changed, is that he was now in prison. I know my sister pretty well, so I knew I was better off without that conversation. 

I was so busy running that phone call scenario through my brain that I did not even realize that we had made it out of the bar to Dam Square. It was beautiful. Busy, yet calm. The taller man stood in front of me and threw his arms up. 

"Here it is; the heart of Amsterdam." He smiled. 

I smiled back. This was the most beautiful place I had ever laid my eyes on. And him, standing in the middle... It is funny, because back then it was just something beautiful, but that moment has come to be the most prominent memory  in my mind. We stood closer and closer until I finally kissed him.