A grey Seattle //a fifty shades of grey fanfic

Chapter 12 // the talk

Christian's pov
We walk hand and hand into the dining room , miss jones came to our room just a minute ago to tell us dinners ready . The dining room is set up with candles , low light ,flowers and lots of wine . Tonight's going to be tough . But it has to be done I want to tell her what happened to me. My palms start to sweat and my breathing starts to quicken I can't help but feel like she's not going to like what she hears , I quickly tell myself that everything will be fine and this needs to be done . It will make us closer , I clear my throat she looks up at me her ocean coloured eyes locked onto my dark grey orbs .

Ana's pov
I'm glad me and Christian are going to talk tonight although we've been together and been friends for a while we don't really know anything personal about each other . It's like going back to square one . Not only do we need to talk about the past but the future too , I know we've both told each other that we Love each other but we're yet to tell anyone else. I want to tell everyone else . I know he's getting nervous I can feel his hands sweating. I hear him clear his throat and I look up at his eyes getting lost in them for a moment.We walk over to the table are hands linked, He pulls out my chair for me and I thank him sweetly.he sits , then takes my hand and opens his mouth to speak " so do you want to ask questions or should I just tell you or ..." he says nervously I softly giggle it's strange to see him so nervous, he's normally really calm and controlled . "Christian, I'll ask you questions take all the time you need to answer them I know it will be difficult for you but I'm here for you , I love you " he looks at me with a big smile on his face . " let's start off with the past then we'll move to the future" I say taking charge. He nods slowly taking in a deep breath trying to control his anxiety, " it started with my mother more specifically the day I was born I wasn't a planned child I was a surprise as some people would call it but to my mother and biological father would say I was a mistake. I don't know to much on what happened between them apart from the were young and it didn't end up working out because of me . My father didn't want me ." I hold his hand tighter as he takes a deep breath and carries on " so that left my mum a single parent, at first it was okay we had a bit of money , a place to live and she loved me but it all changed when she lost her job . We had no money and no food I would go days without eating , my stomach was in excruciating pain for days until I ate food . Because I had no food I had no energy the only thing I did was lie on the beaten up couch and play with my small red toy racing car . My mum started becoming a prostitute in order for us to survive obviously at the time i didn't know what she was doing all I know that there would be weird scary men come into the house and go with mum into her room. Then a couple minutes later I'd hear her screaming out in what sounded like pain after a couple of times of me walking in on her and then men I realised that she wasn't screaming out in pain . She was also doing a lot of drugs at the time , I remember seeing her do coke obviously at the time I didn't take much notice nor did I know what it was . She didn't take care of me properly she barley even spoke to me unless it was to tell me to stay here , shut up or find something to eat . It was horrible". He shuts his eyes as he finishes remembering everything. "It's okay baby" I say squeezing his hand . " that's not everything , after a while I guess she stop being a prostitute and got a boyfriend . I didn't know at the time but I think he was like her pimp anyway he used and abused her . Hitting , her screaming at her they both did drugs and drank alcohol together never paying any attention to me . Until one day he noticed me and that's when he started to abuse me .he used to scream at me about how useless I am , he used to beat me as well. He left bruises all over my body sometimes he would even hit me with the belt . One time he burnt me with his cigarette that's what those burns are on my chest . I still feel the pain now , when I have nightmares it's mostly old memories. Anyway long story short my mother ended up overdosing and was found 3 days later . All of those three days I was by her side trying to wake her up , screaming for her till my throat got so sore I couldn't scream or talk anymore . The police and ambulance came and took me to the hospital we're I was to get checked . I meet an angel that night . I meet grace , she saved me I ended up being adopted by them when I was 4 and was with them till I moved out . I wasn't always the nicest child what happened to me really fucked me up . It fucked me up so much . Before you came along all I was , was fifty shades of fucked up" . I was in hysterical tears , I tried to speak but I couldn't form the words how could this happen to him , my poor baby . I cried even harder , going over everything he's told me . He got up and walked over to me wrapping me in his embrace " Ana , it's okay darling it's all in the past I'm okay now I have you" he said soothing me , he started to rub my back as I calmed myself down . I wipe the final tears off my face " I'm sorry Christian" I say looking at him . " don't be sorry for anything Anastasia , there's still more if you want to hear it ?" He said as he played with my hair . " yes please" I say moving so he can sit down , he sits and I climb on his lap . " Okay , because of all of that I was a really angry child I didn't really speak , I only spoke to Mia I'm very protective of her she was the first person I ever fully trusted yes I trust mum and dad ( grace and Carrick ) but I mean like I would tell her anything even now I think I would struggle to tell everything to them . Anyway I kept getting into fights at school I was kicked out of several due to my love for brawling. I was uncontrollable. My mother had this friend in fact there still really good friends her names Elena she offered me a job to help clear her garden long story short she introduced me to bdsm ." My yes shot up to his " wait how old were you ?" I say . He looked down nervously then look up into my eyes "15" he mumbled . "Christian She seduced you , do you still speak to her ?" I asked in a more harsher tone than I meant to.he shifted underneath me "yes Anastasia, we're friends". "Your friends with her ? , are you crazy? She seduced you Christian you can't just be friends" I say raising my voice. "Ana, we're friends that's it she helped control my anger when I was a teenager but i haven't had sex with her since I left university. I was about 20" . I turn around to face him " do you think what she did to you was okay Christian?" I say staring into his eyes . " well she helped me Anastasia" he says as it it's normal for that to happen . I roll my eyes and climb of his lap " she didn't help you Christian that's not how you help someone" I say through a sarcastic laugh. " well she helped me Ana she made me a better person" I roll my eyes at him again I can't believe he doesn't see anything wrong with it . "Christian shes your mother's best friend what she did was disgusting!" I snap . He looks at me raising his voice slightly "you don't understand Ana , you don't know what it was like , what she was like !" . " I don't care what she was like Christian it still wasn't right , did you expect me to be okay with what she did ? Actually there's no point asking you that because I already know the answer you don't have a problem with it you think it's fine and normal . You even think it's a great idea to be best friends !" . I walk away from table and out of the dinning room , walking up to the boat deck .

I walk along the wooden deck , I can't believe he would of thought that I would be okay with this she's disgusting that's not the way to help someone let alone a kid ! She's a sick women . I don't know how she can turn up to graces house and act like a friend when she wiped, flogged and fucked her son . He needed love not what she gave him . I walk over to the end of the boat and grabbed ahold of the cold metal bars . The sun was just setting it looked lovely , there was various shades of pink and purple all mixes together . The breeze was a bit chilly but also kind of weirdly refreshing ,I guess this is are first argument I hate that it's about his past but he needs to see that it isn't right that what she did was wrong . At least now I know why he's into bdsm , I've never really been interested in it before I met Christian. He's showed me it before a couple of times and surprisingly I liked it . Am I overacting? Have I just caused an argument for nothing ? Should I go apologise? These questions Are swimming around one side of my head where as the other half is filled with one that say , you need to prove a point, don't cave , you still love him but he needs to realise . I shake my head to push away all the thoughts , I look around the deck for somewhere to sit I see something I could sit on not too far away . I take a deep breath and walk towards it .

Christian's pov
I watch her storm out the room , I run my hands through my hair in frustration why do I have to fuck everything up ?. I stand up from the dinner table and walk over to the bar in the corner of the room , I grab a strong full bottle of whisky and a small whisky glass . I walk into the bedroom and sit on the bed . I sip my drink as I think about everything, I knew she wouldn't like what she heard tonight.maybe she's right about Elena , I know she's right it is wrong and is disgusting but she's the only friend I've ever had. She's the only one that understood me , yes her teaching my bdsm probably wasn't helpful but it did help for a while when I was younger . I'm not so dependent on it now , like every now and then me and Ana will try something but it's nowhere near what it was before I met Ana . When we've both calmed down I'll go find her and tell her . I put the whisky down and grab my laptop and start to do some work .

An;
Sorry this chapter took a while I rewrote it a couple of times , I'm not overly happy with it but I needed to update .
I've also left it on a very slight cliffhanger.
-jamiexdakota xxx