Fix you (Marcel/Harry styles)

Chapter 45

SAM'S P.O.V

I've never been so nervous in my life before, I've never been so scared to open a journal or a note. But this is not just a normal journal, this note and journal in my shaky hands contains my little sister's darkest thoughts, it contains her secrets and experiences before she committed suicide. Before she left me and mom in this cruel and painful black hole, and now I'm the only one in this hole because mom left as well and...I didn't.

I'm still here with nothing but my sister's suicide note in my hands.

After Ashton left the house, Marcel stood behind me for a few seconds just looking at me. I wanted him to stay, I wanted him to be here next to me while I read Ashley's suicide letter but my mouth was shut, no word came out of my mouth as if I was in shock to have the paper my sister wrote for me, before she left. Marcel then, walked out the door as well since I didn't speak up, silence surrounded me.

My shaky fingers grabbed the cover of the journal, I decided to open the journal first. I turned to the first page and smiled to my self when a picture of Ashley and I hugging was pasted with the caption on the bottom 'we're not just sisters, we're best friends'. I smiled at the memories this picture brings, I traced my finger tips on Ashley's smile. The smile I miss the most, then I traced my fingers on my smile, the smile that hasn't been on my lips since she died. I turned the page and felt my heart race when I read the two words 'dear diary'.

Dear diary

I'm Ashley Harris and I'm fourteen, I always feel so nervous. Tell me why it is that everyone is so perfect, while I feel so worthless, and they look so happy. I don't have any friends at school, I always sit alone during lunch but that's okay...I guess.

I felt a knot in my throat as I kept reading, she felt so depressed for no reason. She didn't know why she couldn't be happy, she just couldn't. When I was done with the first page I was fighting the urge to cry, I can't cry right now. I need to keep reading.

Dear diary

I have come to believe all of the things that I'm seeing, On magazines and TV, of every single perfect being. All the girls with perfect bodies, and such amazing skin.

I've been trying to lose weight over the past couple weeks. Throwing up after meals, on the rare times that I eat. But that isn't enough I still need to do much more. To get this guy to notice me.

"Oh my god" I gasp covering my mouth with my palm, I felt tears forming in my eyes. Ashley couldn't be anorexic, she was thin but it was because she was healthy and did sports. She couldn't be anorexic for some stupid boy, I'm such a horrible sister, I never noticed how thin she was. I thought the sports were helping her to lose weight. "No, no, no" I whispered to myself and turned to the next page while wiping my tears away, I can't cry not now. I need to keep reading.

Dear diary

I told another lie today and I got through this day. No one saw through my games, I know the right words to say, Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"

What I do know is how I've changed my life forever, I know I should know better. There are days when I'm OK, and for a moment, I find hope. But there are days when I'm not OK and I need help. I tried to talk to Sam, my sister, we used to be so close but I've noticed a change in her. I love her to death but sometimes I don't think the feeling is mutual. She doesn't listen to me and it only makes me feel so alone, I decided to keep my feelings to myself and fix my own problems. I understand her though, I know what she's going through. I know what dad did to her, yet she doesn't know I know and I rather keep it to myself and you, my diary.

She knew, she knew everything about my past and my horrible father. No, why didn't she speak up? She tried to talk to me but I wasn't there for her. I wasn't the sister she wanted me to be. I can't keep reading this, I wiped the tears that were dangerously close to rolling down my cheeks and opened the suicide letter she left. I opened her last goodbye to me.

Dear Sam

"I'm sorry Sam, but this world is just not my place. I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in. I've come to realize this world's full of sin. There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space. It's okay though, 'cause you'll see me soon. You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon and remember everyone's facing their own fight.

But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter. You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter.

I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone 'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on. That's what they use to tell me, all those kids at school.

My presence on this earth is not needed any longer and if anything, I hope this makes you stronger. You're the best friend, that I ever had. Such a shame I had to make you so very sad, but just remember that you meant everything to me and to my heart, you're the only one that held the key. I'm watching over you, from the clouds above.

So this is it world, goodbye."

MARCEL'S P.O.V

It's been three hours since I left Sam's house and it's been the longest three hours I've ever experienced. I've been sitting in my bedroom waiting for her to call me, I can't stop biting my nails from anxiety. I really don't like the idea of leaving her alone since the day I saw her at the edge of the bridge and thankfully I was there to stop her. I was shaking my leg and butting my nails as I waited for my phone to ring.

"that's it" I sighed and got up from my bed, I grabbed my car keys and phone. I was about to walk out my bedroom door when my phone w rang. I looked at the screen and sighed in relief when Sam's name was on my screen. "hello, Sam" I say

"did I deserve all of this?" she asks, I was taken back by her sudden question.

"what do you mean?" I ask as I walked down the stairs and out the door.

"maybe I do" she whispers through the phone. I put the phone on speaker as I enter my car so that I could make sure she was okay. She was silent for a moment, she wasn't crying, her voice had no emotion and that was just killing me. "maybe I deserve being alone, maybe life is just not for me"

"Sam, don't say that" I beg as I drove down the road as fast as possible.

"I can't take it anymore, Marcel. I can't just can't handle this alone"

She finally breaks down and sobs through the phone. I could literally feel my heart breaking in two at the sound of her broken voice and her attempts on trying to speak but being too weak to be able to form any words.

VOTE AND COMMENT PLEASE