Fix you (Marcel/Harry styles)

Chapter 37

MARCEL'S P.O.V

"W-What do you mean?" I ask, my lips shaking and my feet slowly guiding me next to Sam, I leaned down and sat next to her trying to ignore the dangerous height in front of us.

"I'm so alone" she says looking down at the cigarette in her hands "When I was only thirteen, Marcel" she raised her voice looking at me, her eyes full of hurt. "Thirteen!"

I stayed silent, I know she just wants to let everything out and I will listen to her."my father raped me" she looked back down at her hands "and he kept doing it every time he had the chance to, practically every night, he kept doing it until I was sixteen, almost seventeen" she trailed "he got arrested" this time she whispered "I remember feeling so dirty and disgusted about myself"

I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek, how could a man ever rape a thirteen year girl and kept doing it for three years?

"Days before he got arrested, my only sunshine committed suicide" she sighed closing her eyes "she was my sister, Ashley"

When she mentioned her name, she looked at her 'A' tattoo. I finally understand what 'A' means, it's not Ashton, it's Ashley.

"She use to self-harm and I had not idea" her voice cracked, I felt my stomach tighten when she said that "she was being bullied at school and just wanted someone to be there for her, she needed me and I wasn't there for her" a tear streamed down her face "it's all my fault"

"It's not you fault" I say

"Yes!" She turns to look at me with her watery brown eyes "if I were to be there for her, she wouldn't have felt so alone and she wouldn't have killed herself in that bathroom" she sobbed resting her face on her hands, I was about to touch her shoulder but she picked up her head and wiped away her tears "and then I met you"

I looked at her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

"I finally had a reason to smile again" she said "but I had to fuck things up and push you away, I remember when you told me you hated me" she whispered "I got wasted in school property and got caught, I was sent to the correctional"

"Did I hurt you when I said that I hated you?" I ask

"It hurt, yes" she answered "but you know what hurt the most?"

"What?" I ask

"To pretend like it didn't hurt"

"I'm sorry" I say

"Don't be" she said "I had no reason to push you away....I use to think I was doing you a favor by pushing you away"

"It hurt" I admit biting my lip as I remembered how much I suffered that day

"It's all my fault" she looked at her lap and placed the cigarette in her lips "I lost my mom, Marcel" she admitted, I was a little taken back, but instead of speaking, I pulled her into my chest and hugged her tightly.

She broke down crying on my shoulder, her body was literally shaking. I felt like I could feel her broken pieces falling apart, so I hugged her tighter, hoping to put her back in one piece.

"I'm so alone, Marcel" she sobbed "it hurts, I can't take it anymore, do you know how hard it is to smile when all you can think about is wanting to kill yourself?"

I rubbed the back of her back as I felt her snuggling her face on the crook of my neck. I felt her tears damping my shirt and falling on the skin of my neck. She then quickly pulled away, wiping the tears off her face.

"I'm sorry" she says wiping her tears away "I probably look like a total mess"

I took her hand in mine looking into her eyes but she quickly looked away.

"It's funny" she chuckles, her eyes still watery and her cheeks pink "I look at you hoping you look at me but when you do...I look away not wanting to show you how much I...I need you"

"Really?"

"Yes" she says "but it doesn't matter, nobody needs me"

"I need you" I say leaning closer to her, I look at her bright brown eyes then at her kissable pink lips

"Marcel" she whispers looking at my lips, I know she wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss her. I just know it.

"Yeah" i say

"Do you-Do you still love me?" She asks, her voice was shaky. So afraid for the answer.

"I do" I answer "I love you so much it hurts"

And with that, I crashed my lips to hers. God, I can't remember the last time I kissed her, her lips feel like heaven. Her lips massaged against mine, they allowed a taste of vanilla and I loved it. I pulled away when I felt a tear escape from her eye.

"You don't want to be with me, Marcel" she whispers looking at the ground, her fingers covering her lips as if she was trying to hold herself back from kissing me again.

"I do, I want to be with you so much"

"I'm more broken than you think" she says

"I don't care, I'll pull your broken pieces back together" I say "I'll fix you"

And with that said, she crashed her lips back into mine. Holding me tight, as if I was going to slip away from her hold. I wrapped my arms around her, reassuring her I was here and wasn't going to leave her and her broken pieces. I will follow my word and put he back together, I will fix her broken heart.

Because I know, that by fixing her. I will fix myself too.

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