Fight or Flight?

Chapter 16 part 2

Jacks pov

"I want you to raise him for me Jack", she said as I stared blankly into her eyes. What is she doing? She wouldn't leave him here with me. She needs and relies on him as much as he does for her. He's a newborn child Rose! You can't just dump him!

A shiver ran down my spine when she turned her head back down to him before realising that I was frozen trying to get my head around why she would do such a thing. He's only just over a month old. He needs his mother more than his father now. Heck I don't even know how to care for a baby on my own. This house isn't suitable for a baby either. He sleeps in my clothes drawer for god sakes. I don't even have a good paying job, not even a full or part time job for that matter. Nothing! All I rely on is my art. And that can't even support myself sometimes, yet alone adding a baby to the mix.

Cal easily has those things and in vast exquisite amounts too. In my opinion at this point in a child's life a father has no role to play other than to help the mother. Cal doesn't do any of those things. But he's better at stepping back compared to me.

I could of let Rose jump and commit suicide but I didn't. I could of refused Cals invitation to dinner and not went. I could stepped back and left Rose alone to deal with her matters herself but I couldn't bring myself to it. Except I didn't know when to stop. I always stepped in to help her while Cal sat back and left her to her own devices drowning in her own misery.

She then softly touched my face and my head flinched quickly before turning to look at her.  This would of happened sooner rather than later. Except Cal and Ruth aren't deliberately getting rid of the child themselves cause they know the truth. It's Rose.

"Jack", she spoke calmly squeezing my hands.

"Why Rose?", I moved my frozen lips and spoke for the first time, "why would you do this to yourself? To him? To me? To us?", she remained composed with tears forming from her glittering eyes, "I don't get it", I stroked her cheek, "why go through all the trouble? Why go through all the pain and effort? Why would you do it to yourself?", she looked down crying trying to wipe her tears away. She wants to be strong. She needs to be strong. I realised for her to make this work. But is she strong enough?

"I don't want him to grow up and be like me", she said before looking up at me only breaking down in more tears, "I don't want him to be a spoiled brat and be called a basterd Jack", she gripped onto my shirt and clung onto me for her dear life, "I want him to be free", she whimpered into my chest trying to settle down her sobs. She wants him to be like me. Not to be trapped in hopeless boundless life that has no meaning to it. Rose knows now that money doesn't buy you happiness or love. Only you can find and discover it yourself. And she's desperate now. Desperate more than anything to hold on.

"It's alright. We'll figure something out", I tried to comfort her knowing that this was going to be incredibly hard for her to let go. As well as me watching her walk away with a baby in my arms. Our baby in my arms that won't be going 'home' with his mother for the first time.

"I don't want him to be unloved", she cried pulling herself closer into me as my wet patch dampened as her saturated tears kissed my skin.

"Oh Rose, Jack Jr will always be loved. Always. By you, me, or anyone else who loves our child as much as we do", I tried to reason with her. But she gripped me harder making it not any easier for the both of us.

"Please Jack", she spoke calmly to me like she did in the freezing cold water saying 'I love you'. She then backed out of my embrace. "I'll do anything", she started to plead with me, "I'll send you money weekly to help feed, bathe, and get clothes for him", now it's getting too much, "Jack I'll do anything. Just don't send him back there with me. I can't... I can't handle the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. And-"