ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ʙʟᴏᴄᴋ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇs

overdose | jamal turner

warning | this imagine does contain mentions of some things that many people may be sensitive to. suicide, depression, drugs, anger issues and anxiety are mentioned in this imagine.
This imagine is in Jamal's pov for anyone that may be confused.

Jamal
I didn't know until it was too late.
I heard the words being repeated in my head, i should've known.
I should've picked up on how distant she had been, i don't know why but i had just never noticed it. I should've questioned it. I should've done something.

Things changed, and i know that in some way, the world would find a way to blame me for everything. I should've bothered her more about how sad or angry she had looked at times.

I should've offered her a playlist of songs that her hurt could relate to, i defiantly should've been a better person and boyfriend.
I wasn't a good boyfriend. I was focused on rollerworld; i didn't notice my girls life going downhill.

Only know do i know how much hurt and pain she was experienced. I got that message, hours ago but was too focused on rollerworld.

'i need you baby, i'm hurting. i need to talk to you, can you come over?'

The moment i got that message i should've dropped everything and ran to her side but i'm here to help her now and that's all that matters.

I walked into the house that y/n shared with her older brother.

"Y/n" i called out her name but no answer from her followed, it was silent.
I figured it out in my head as i walked towards her room, she was probably sleeping; as always.

I opened the door quietly, but there was no one in the room. Something felt off, something was wrong and i knew it.

I knew that she hadn't gone out tonight, because she would've told me. She would've at least sent me a message. And besides, she didn't like going out in Freeridge alone.

I feel the panic starting to settle and i become frantic, maybe i was just overreacting. Maybe she was just at Ruby's house or something.
I try to calm myself down, and i walk into her bathroom. I figured i should splash some cool water over my face.

The room was completely dark as i opened the door, so i turned the light on. i'm not sure what i was actually expecting when i opened the door, but i knew for sure it was this. It wasn't anything close to this.

Maybe it wasn't her laying on the floor, her hair wild. Blue face, eyes closed with an empty pill bottle next to her.
I blink my eyes twice to make sure i'm not hallucinating, and as i opened my eyes again my whole world shattered. i let out a scream.

I walk forward and crash onto my knees right next to her, maybe she would be alright. Maybe she was just fine.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up. Wake the fuck up! you can't do this to me" I said to her, feeling to see if she had a pulse, but nothing. I started shaking her body but still, nothing.

I figured that surely this wasn't real, surely this was some mad up bullshit in my mind or surely it was some stupid ass prank that her, Ruby and Cesar has come up with.
I had just seen her this morning, i had just kissed her this morning. I had just said goodbye this morning, but i didn't know that it would be my last.

She hid whatever this was so well, i knew that i hadn't looked hard enough behind those sleepless nights or unexplained anger.

She had always had this anger about her, but a few months ago it had disappeared. A few days ago it had appeared again but i didn't know how dangerous it was.
I buried my face into her shoulder as i sobbed, i pleaded to god; to save her. To let this be fake.

It killed me inside, i didn't notice anything.
Maybe i was just blind, maybe i was just too in love.
I want to go back, i want to help her.
I pull my phone out of hoodie pocket and start pressing the three numbers i thought i never would have to under circumstances like these.

They ask me what the emergency is and everything goes by so fast after that. Before i knew it i could her sirens and faded voices around me, i heard pouring footsteps and looked up at the door just in time to see her brother come through it. The pain and confusion on his face was absolutely horrifying to see.

She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve any of the pain she had felt. She only deserve happiness and so much more, but not this.
I was a fool, i didn't see how much she was struggling just to get though daily life.

Soon enough, her body is pulled away from me as i just looked at her, so lifeless.
I hear someone say 'we'll do the best we can, son.'
that broke my heart.
I never got to say goodbye, i never wanted to have to say goodbye.