Regret

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I'm sorry.

I wish I could have been better for you, done more for you, but I couldn't.

I regret it, all of it. If I could take it back i would.

But I cant. But don't worry, I am suffering for what I did and I forever will.

I'm ok with that because I deserve the pain, the thoughts, the voices, having to replay the memories again and again until I just want to claw them from my mind to stop the suffering.

If I could take it back I would.

I hate myself, I hate what I deal with everyday, I hate being the way I am.

You are gone, like a puff of smoke cleared by the wind, never to return.

He tells me it's gonna be ok and not to beat myself up but I cant help it you were at my fingertips and I let you go.

Go.
Go.
Gone.

Never to return, but forever here, in my head, a scar on my heart, a piece of me taken with you as you exit my life.

Pain.
Regret.
Self hate.

The list goes on and on and I take it all for you. To do you justice.

But at the same time knowing that it'll never be enough.

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