Together Forever

Chapter Twelve: Research With Conclusions

"It wasn't you I was trying to protect. It was her," I whispered to Lissa, still clinging to her.

"Her who? Rose, what happened?" She made me sit down on the bed next to her as she tried to calm me down.

"Your baby, Lissa. We were under attack... It felt so real..."

She looked up at Christian and whispered something I didn't understand. I was too busy staring at Lissa's baby bulge. I couldn't shake the feeling that my nightmare ended up in a failure. Whether it was my failure to save Lissa or her baby, I didn't know.

"Hey, Rose, I'm going to get some reading material, okay? I think that these nightmares you've been having--yes, I know there are multiple ones--have to do with the pregnancy. I'm going to have some books sent over here and we'll research some stuff. It'll be okay, I promise."

Lissa sat beside me on the bed, flipping through the pages of a book she had delivered to her a few minutes ago. Meanwhile, I typed away on my computer, google-ing dhampir pregnancies.  Dimitri hovered over my shoulder, making it very hard for me to concentrate. Lissa gasped then shoved the book she was reading in my lap.

"Look, Rose," she instructed. "It says that Shadow-Kissed Anna was pregnant when she died... by another dhampir. They couldn't conduct tests on it because it died with her."

"So...?"

"So maybe losing the bond isn't what drove her crazy." Her face turned bitter as she processed her words.

I sighed. "I'm going to take a walk."

I got up, setting the book down on the bed. I grabbed my coat then hurriedly left the room. I could sense Dimitri following me, but Lissa came to my rescue. I turned around for a second, but it was long enough to see Lissa telling Dimitri to back off. I walked out into the cool night, having to tug my jacket tighter to prevent the wind from biting at me. The black fabric didn't do much for my legs, since I was still wearing my pjs. I shivered, and decided walking out into the cold night for a couple hours wasn't such a good idea. Instead, I went to the 24hr cafe that Lissa and I went to when she wanted to work on something or couldn't sleep. I guess we can add contemplating life to that list.

I walked into the cafe a few minutes later, noticing that there were only a couple people in here, all wearing pjs, sweats, or work clothes. I also noticed a Moroi couple on one of the five couches in the lounge section of the cafe, smiling and laughing. I found myself yearning for something like that. No worries, at least not ones about an impossible pregnancy that could take my life. It wasn't forbidden or taboo... it seemed perfect. I shook the idea of perfection  out of my head. Everyone had problems, perfection wasn't possible.

I sat down in one of the small booths against the wall in the back of the cafe, pulling my phone out. I had sent a quick text to Lissa, knowing she would freak out if I didn't let her know my whereabouts. Not surprisingly, that wasn't really needed since she walked through the door two seconds later. She must have followed me. She spotted me within seconds and made her way over to the booth, instantly apologizing for not leaving me alone. I didn't mind, of course. Lissa was always good at making me feel better, even before the bond. And I was certain she could help me through this.

"Dimitri's worried," she told me first, lowering her voice in case anyone was listening in.

"I know. I just..." I groaned. "I want to be with him so bad, but it's too risky right now. And this whole thing with him staying at court bothers me. He'll miss three months of my pregnancy. In that time, I could be dead." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Don't talk like that, Rose! I won't let that happen. You'll still have me," she encouraged, grabbing my hand. "You'll be fine. You can come and stay in my dorm and we'll have each other." A single tear slipped down her cheek and she hurried to wipe it away. "Please, just--just never s-say that again. I can't lose you, Rose."

She was starting to bawl, and I hurried over to her side of the table and pull her into an embrace. She sat there, leaning into my shoulder, trying to conceal her sobs. We must have sat there for twenty minutes, me stroking her hair and telling her everything would be fine, when Christian called. She was in no state to answer the phone, so I did. He was all freaked out that I answered the phone, and even more so when I told him the reason why. He had insisted on coming down to the cafe, and I couldn't deny Lissa that even when it meant Dimitri would be coming here as well.

Within minutes, Christian came rushing in and traded spots with me. Dimitri sat next to me, in the seat across from them. I looked out the window as Christian and Lissa talked, watching people walk by every now and then, going about their ordinary lives. I bet none of them have to deal with a potentionally dangerous dhampir on dhampir pregnancy or forbidden affairs. Well, maybe the last one isn't that much of a stretch.

"Please talk to me," Dimitri pleaded in a whisper. "It's killing me, Rose."

I slowly turned away from the scenary outside with a sigh. "What do you want to talk about, Dimitri? How you can't follow my wishes in keeping you safe? Or about how even though you are so keen on being a part of my pregnancy, you've decided to stay and work at court until I graduate? If I even can graduate due to my predicament."

I could tell he was trying hard to keep his composure. "Staying at court is honoring your wishes, do you really think I want to be away from you and leave you alone in your pregnancy? Damn it, Roza, I just can't win."

My breath caught. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"No, don't," he took a deep breath, "don't apologize. It isn't your fault." He put his hand on my knee under the table in a comforting gesture.

Lissa yawned, averting my attention from Dimitri to Lissa. "Let's get you guys home," I suggested to Christian and Lissa. She nodded and used Christian for support.

After Christian and Lissa were walked back to housing, Dimitri persuaded me into letting him walk me back to my housing. We walked in silence, but it wasn't all that awkward. It was just like being back at the academy and walking around campus in the middle of the night with him. The difference between then and now was that now he wanted to talk about a sensitive topic between us. And it also meant we would end up talking in a bedroom which is a very precarious situation.

At the end of our somewhat short walk, I invited Dimitri in. He took a hesitant step forward, looking around as he did so. He quickly shut the door behind him, putting the lock in place. I invited him to sit on the couch next to me, which earned a small smirk from him. He sat down next to me anyways.

"I'm not quite sure this is part of keeping 'your wishes'," he joked.

I was getting lost in his eyes, a habit I have yet to break. "Well, you wanted to talk," I reminded him, backing up after intentionally getting closer to him. "So let's talk."

 And that's how I ended up falling asleep in his arms on the couch after pouring my heart out to him. It was one of the only three times I had innocently fallen asleep next to him. And the other two times had been simply because I was tired, or something of the sorts. But this time, it was because I had cried myself to sleep. I had unleashed all my inner thoughts and fears, and he had shared some of his. Especially after I told him why Lissa was crying back at the cafe, which made him tear up a little too. The possibility of my death was becoming too realistic, and I needed to change that. For Lissa's sake, Dimitri's sake... and my baby's sake.

We had managed to talk it all out and come up with possible solutions. There was no way I was letting Dimitri come back to St. Vlad's. If I was going to make minor altercations to the details of my pregnancy, he couldn't be anywhere near me. So we settled skyping every now and then and texting every free moment we had. And one of his conditions were check ups. Mental and physical. Christian had arranged something similar with Lissa and had suggested it to Dimitri. Just another thing I need to get him back for.