Them

Chapter 26

As Paddy pushed me to the ward he chatted to Linda before addressing me.

"So we are gonna try your feed in the Tv room with everyone but if it gets too difficult for you we can go into the small living room ok mate?" He said kindly as we passed through the double doors on to the ward.

The main living room was empty except for Tom and an unfamiliar nurse. Who were sat on the floor playing a card game.

"Hi Anne, is it all right if me and Dan sit in here?" Paddy asked brightly, parking the chair close to where the pair were sitting so we were arranged in a kind of semicircle.

"Sure, everyone else has gone for a bit of fresh air in the yard so we're enjoying a bit of peace and quiet aren't we Tom?" she said.

"I would enjoy being outside more." The man muttered before turning to me.

"Ouch, new tube already?" He asked taking in my freshly bandaged elbow, clean tee and switched tube positions. I nodded quietly and he gave me a sympathetic smile before continuing. "I've got something to make it better. It'll really tie in with the whole monochrome aesthetic.." he began as he moved to stand up.

"Tom." Anne interrupted acccusingly. "No standing up."

"It's literally a couple of steps to my box how many calories is that even gonna burn???" He said half in amusement and half in exasperation.

"You know the rules, 30 minutes after lunch is no moving."

He sighed but stayed seated as Paddy got a black shoe box from the shelves and handed it to him. He immediately opened it and began rummaging through before triumphantly pulling out a small sticker of a cartoon ghost with a tiny black smiley face and handed it to me.

"To put over the tape" he explained showing me his far cheek on which a dusky pink flower sticker was stuck on top of his tube, covering the dark tan of the plaster.

"T-thankyou" I stuttered, amazed at how kind he was.

"Eyyy, us tube buddies gotta stick together" he said, proudly placing his cards face up on the floor to show a run of hearts. "I win!"

Anne sighed in mock exasperation. "Not agaiiiin, you have really gotta be cheating, we should put that in his notes shouldn't we Paddy? 'suspiciously good at cards'." She laughed.

Linda had returned, feeding pump trundling along beside her, reminding me what was about to happen. I noticed Tom tense at the sight, his leg shaking.

"Alright Dan, lets get you hooked up then mate" Paddy said gently as he stood up and took hold of my portal.

Tom had relaxed slightly and was grinning sheepishly at me. "Thank god, I thought they were trying to give me even more calories for a seco-"

He was interrupted by a stern look from Anne "I'm not sure that's appropriate Tom."

"Yeah well nothing's ever appropriate" he said, a slight anger overcasting the playfulness in his voice.

//don't let them//

"I don't want it." I blurted out helplessly to noone in particular.

"What? The feed?" Paddy asked carefully and I nodded, reaching back and grasping the portal he had been attaching.

//good//

"Dan.." Paddy started but Tom interrupted.

"Do you wanna look at this colouring book my friend got me? I always colour while I have my feed." He looked at me hopefully and I cautiously released the portal back into Paddy's hands, not wanting to stress Tom out after he had been so nice to me.

//idiot//

He took a small book from his box and shuffled towards me, earning a pointed cough from Anne.

"I'm still working through it," he explained as he flicked through pages of immaculately shaded flowers in every colour of the rainbow.

"Wow. They're amazing!" I exclaimed, running a finger over a carefully shaded sunflower. "Those are my pa-...um.. friend's favourite." I commented, deciding it wasn't worth the risk of coming out.

"Awh!" He said smiling, "my 'friend' likes daisys best and he always used to complain that there weren't enough in my colouring books which is why he got me this one." He winked as he said the word friend and I grinned sheepishly.

"That was really sweet of him. Is he visiting later?" I asked, attempting to recall my limited social skills.

Tom's face fell and I immediately wanted to take it back.

"He was gonna but apparently I'm not allowed visitors at the moment.." he trailed off, picking his book up and putting it back in the box tears welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, I didn't know. I'm really sorry...I um.."

"Its fine" he said in a monotone voice, avoiding my gaze. I could tell he was upset though it didn't seem to be directed at me. "I'm sorry...I um, I just need a moment." He muttered standing up and moving quickly toward the door.

"Tom. Your obs aren't done yet. You need to come back and sit down." Anne called sternly, getting to her feet.

"Fuck you" he yelled back in an irritated voice, a slight break in his voice showing that he was crying. Both Anne and Linda left to follow him and I looked anxiously at Paddy.

"I didn't...I didn't realise. I'm really sorry." I stuttered.

"Its ok Dan. Everyone here is quite poorly so sometimes they might get upset, a bit like you do. It wasn't your fault."

He gave me a small smile and set about tidying up the cards scattered on the floor.

//they're hurting Phil//

"Paddy??" I whispered fearfully. My leg shaking.

"Mmm?" He enquired as he tidied the coffee table.

//don't. Phil's going to get hurt if you talk to him about us.//

The voice is back and I can't stand it anymore.

//shut the fuck up.//

"I um... can we go into the smaller room before everyone gets back?" I asked, quickly trying to come up with something to say.

He looked at me questioningly but continued "Yeah ok. Do you wanna walk with the pump? It's probably best if you hold it so it doesn't pull and the room is pretty close."

//No more speaking.//

I nodded and stood carefully, holding the metal stand of the feeding pump.

"Alright?" Paddy asked. "You're not dizzy are you?"

I shook my head and began to make my way toward the door, pump in tow.