Trapped by my choices

Chapter 1

"Guys are really good at hiding their feelings." I once told one of my close friends.

It was almost a year ago that I talked to her last. I'm a junior and she's a sophomore. We are now living our separate lives. She has a boyfriend and I'm still praying that one day she'll open her eyes and see me like she once did. If I hadn't hidden my feelings maybe she would see me differently now. I should have trusted her and I should have told her what was going on. I shouldn't have let myself become a hostage of my own choices...

Let me start from the beginning:

We were both in high school, I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We were really close, she liked me and I.... I liked her as well, I was just too scared to admit it. I didn't want to ruin what we had by dating her. I didn't want to hurt her...I did even though we didn't date. I became such a terrible person, disgusted by myself for what I was doing, even though it was to protect her.

We texted every night, sometimes we joked around and sometimes it was serious but every second texting or talking to her was special. It made me feel more than just the usual feelings. I can't really explain it but I believe everyone feels it at some point in their lives. 

It was cute, how she reminded me almost every week that she liked me and how she pretended that she was sad for me when I would have a break up. I do believe she felt bad for me but she was also filled with hope.

I wish I had just told her. Told her everything. Now I regret all of it. When I see her walking in the halls I will look at her, hoping for some recognition but all she does is walk right past me, ignoring my existence.

And to think this all started with just a simple threat. I should have told the cops before it all got out of control. I shouldn't have gotten involved with those guys. If I had just done everything differently I would still have my best friend standing next to me.

This all happened only a year ago but it feels like it's been forever since I talked to her. Maybe.... maybe one day I will be able to change things for the better. Maybe... maybe one day, dare I say it, Molly will fall for me again and maybe everything will be back to normal....only everything will be so much better.