Young Blood ~•~Timothée Chalamet

Chapter 9

"A pretty little thing it is to be suddenly kissed."

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I was on my laptop, creating a portfolio to show Janet Wilson during our meeting. I dragged various things into a folder.

My nerves were a little on edge. I couldn't believe that my fantasies were beginning to bloom.

Then, what do your daydreams become of?

Even though I was feeling accomplished, my skin still crawled with worry. I wanted to just forget about it, but I couldn't. I shouldn't have taken that photo.

On that note, I felt like opening up Safari. I typed into the google search "Timothée Chalamet's girlfriend". I clicked on images. Hundreds of photos popped up of Jade and him together on the red carpet. In some of them, her eyes were glued to him with a euphoric smile. The same look I had given him in our few moments together. He never stared at her in any of the photos though. To me, that was a small victory.

Ugh. I wanted him.

It was eerily quiet in this house. I leaned back in my desk chair, gazing up at the ceiling. I spun around a few times.

A low humming started to ascend its way through the walls. My curiosity tempted me to the stairwell. With each slow step I took, the humming swirled through the air into a romantic melody. I crept towards the lounge area. I peeked around the corner and spotted my father and mother dancing around the room.

Could I Have This Dance by Anne Murray flooded the room from our family's vintage record player.

They looked so happy, it was unreal. Those weren't my parents. I wanted to break them apart and scream at them. I wanted to peel away their skin and reveal their true colors. One little heavenly dance couldn't put back together this marriage, this family.

I watched my mother being comforted in his arms. Her face was relaxed as she swayed with him. If it was enough for her in that moment, then it was enough for me. She had just done me a kind favor after all. I left them alone and trotted back up the stairs.

I drew a bath and sunk into the warm bubbly water. I laid my head back against the edge of the tub and closed my eyes.

What was there worth going on for?

I'd never been at complete ease with anyone. I didn't know what a loved one was and my family had never counted. I knew that was terrible of me to say, but it was the truth. If I could have just let myself go completely, I would have been in bliss. I was young, what did I know about about connection, about love?

I dreamed about all these fantastical scenes that I wished would play out in my life. But, love was different from ambition. I just had to let life give it to me the way it does for anything truly beautiful to transpire. I was impatient.

I could have evaporated away with the steam from the water and my last moment would have been well lived.

I felt something trickle from my nose. I marveled at the water turning a milky red. My lips tasted metallic. I didn't care and let the blood continue to run.

I felt so alone. I wanted to do a line.

I wiped my hands off and reached for my phone.

If you're not busy right now, you should come over.

I sent the text and put my phone back off to the side.

I sank deeper into the water until I was fully submerged.