I looked up, tears running down my cheeks. Tyler's hand was red from me squeezing it so hard. From a distance, I saw a giant orange blob exhaling a large amount of smoke. I let go of his hand, and just ran. I never stopped, I kept running. When I was only about 10 feet away, I feel to my knees, my white jeans ruined in the wet grass. "Ashton!" I screamed. "ASH-TON!" I screamed louder. "Torey," I heard his voice from somewhere. "I am dying, there's nothing you can do, please, don't cry for me." I couldn't stop the flood coming from my eyes. He was my best friend, and he's dying. I grew up with him. I told him everything. I loved him as a brother. "Keep going. Please, keep going. You have to be safe. You have to find out who did this. I'll always be with you, Torey. Keep going." I turned around to Tyler, who's palms were pressed to his face, his eyes red. "We have to keep going," I said, my breath still short, my nose still sniffling. "Shouldn't we do something?" I ignored him, because there was no point. I walked forward, in the same direction I ran, and tried to plot what to do. My best friend just burned to death. It's my job to figure out why in the heck it happened. I can't go home, I can't cry, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't doubt myself. What if I died out here? What if Tyler burned too? What if my parents find out? I went on like this for a few hours, when Tyler finally decided to set up a tent. It weirded me out how he had everything we'd need right after the bus burned down. He made a fire, and I stayed there, staring at it. He went off to sleep and I just stayed, listening to the many voices in my head. "Whoever did this, will suffer." I promised myself that the culprit would want to be dead. I promised myself that I would find them at all costs. It was still dark when I packed a backpack with food and left.
It wasn't long before I saw the fire dying down on a blackened charter bus, the last place my best friend was alive. The fire was pretty much gone, so I looked for clues as to who did it. There wasn't really anything salvageable, except for a blackened notebook. I picked it up, flipping through the pages. I could read the handwriting, it was Ashton's.
I heard Tyler screaming my name, and I turned around and ran to him, clutching the notebook. "GET-THE-FIRST-AID-KIT-PLEASE-NOW-PAIN-OW!" Tyler could only say a few syllables, because his throat was closing up due to the wasp sting on his arm. I shuffled through the first aid kit, and plugged the epi-pen into his arm. When he began to breathe normally, I fell on his chest, and just burst out crying. Again. "It's fine, Torey. I'm okay. It's all gonna be okay." He tried to comfort me, but it didn't work. He brushed his fingers through my hair, and I listened to his heart beat, while we watched the sun go down. "I don't think," I started. "That it's gonna be okay." Tyler sat up, causing me to sit up, too. "Listen," he brushed my hair behind my ears and placed his hands around my face. "I'm here. Ashton may not be, but I think he would want you to be happy, right? I know you're going to miss him, but you have to believe with me that everything's going to be okay."he took a breath. "Okay?" I nodded. "Okay." But thing is, it wasn't okay. Everything felt different when I heard him in my head. Like he was really gone. It hit me that I wouldn't get to punch him in the shoulder when he insulted me. I lied back down on Tyler's chest, and watched the sky go dark. "Just sleep, T. Just sleep." He kissed my forehead and grabbed my hand. Our fingers intertwined naturally, like it was meant. That was one of the many things I loved. I drew circles with my thumb all around his hand,until I finally closed my eyes.
I didn't want to dream. My dreams suck. So this is how it went: I dreamed Ashton was alive and on fire, so I woke up screaming.
I was still on his chest, so he got scared too. "Wh-what's wrong?" His voice was sleepy and low, and I was comforted a little. "Nightmare, I think." I felt my heart beating in my chest. "It was just a dream," he yawned. "Everything's fine. I'm here.
I'm always here." It's true, he is. "See those stars?" I nodded. "Do you remember when you went away, and you'd look outside and say goodnight?" I nodded again. I had to move away right when we began to be something. Ashton was there to comfort me, all the time. "It's not gonna be like that, because I'll never leave you again." He wrapped his arm around my dainty shoulders, and we talked for awhile. "I'm sorry I'm so scared. I just- I'm scared it might happen to me. I can't not look out at the moon or think about all of my memories because he's in them. He was there when nobody else was, and now I can't even tell him that. Tyler, you don't know what this is like. I'm sorry, but you don't. He was the brother I never had, and he's gone. Somebody did this. And I can't sleep here and do nothing about it. He can't die in vain. I need you to help me, and if you don't, I'm just gonna-" he held my face in his hands and kissed me. I shut up after that. "I will help you. We can go in the morning." Tyler turned over, and when I was sure he was sleeping, I opened up Ashton's notebook.
November 14, 2016
The day is inching closer. And I don't know what to do. I don't want her to be scared, and not be ready for this. Because it's going to be hard. There's so much she doesn't know and so much she should know, and I can't tell her. It hurts to not tell her...
There are things she does, that she doesn't notice, but I love. Like the way she crosses her legs when she's trying to focus, or when she smiles and can't stop. I love it when she pulls her hair into a ponytail when she's around me, because she doesn't have to follow her popular guidelines. And when she hugs, you never wanna let go. I can't see that go away. I can't watch her fade slowly, and become a mix of steroids and energy drinks. I can't see her be this crazy ninja chick, and kill a bunch of guys in three seconds. She needs to be her. And I hope she realizes that's all she needs.
I had to stop reading. My eyes were filled with tears, and I realized that there were little things he did that I adored. I turned to a blank page, and began to write.
I won't be anyone else. I won't take steroids or drink energy drinks. I'll cross my legs when I am focusing. I'll wear my hair in a ponytail. I'll wear sweatpants. And I loved it when you would get embarrassed and turn red. I loved it when you would play your guitar, and sing with me. And when we would harmonize, I'd get goose bumps. I miss the band room, and video games in your basement. I'm sorry you ended. I'm sorry we ended. I'm sorry for everything. I'll find out who did this. I'll do everything I can to save other people, for you.
I let a few tears drip off my face,and closed the book. I let myself dream this time, and I saw Ashton. He was talking to me. "Don't cry for me, just find me. I told you that you could, and you can. I may not be right there like Tyler, but I'm there, in that big thing in your chest. That thing you always say is all messed up? Yeah. There." I felt lips on my forehead and smiled. I woke up, and it was Tyler. "Hey, sunshine," he said. "Hey," I replied. He gave me another one on my cheek, and I began to pack up stuff. "We are going now,"
The hike out of the forest sucked. I had to think through loads of crap, and I really didn't want to. All I knew was I wanted Ashton. And I wanted whoever killed him to suffer. I sorted through some of the voices in my head to find Ashton's, and it took me a while, but I did. He was singing a song he wrote called "just the second" it was about him coming second to a guy that was with the girl he loves. I tried talking to him, but I had to sit down. "Ashton. Ash, listen. Please, Ashton listen to me." I repeated over and over again. I just kept listening to him singing. He started singing my favorite song, 'Titanium.' I started walking again, trying not to think about him. "You can't love me," he said after a while. "You have Tyler, and he has you. I'm gone, please, listen." His voice was weak, so weak.
"But that won't stop me. You told me there was a way to save you, and I will. Don't tell me to do something I've already done."
I walked forward, catching up with Tyler. "Do you think I can save him?" I figured I should talk to Tyler, to forget about Ashton. "Who?"
"Nobody," I walk away, and decide not to talk about it. I watch the trees, and the sun flash like strobe lights through the the limbs. I don't want to do this anymore. I just want it to be last week. If only Ashton could turn back time...
"It's Ashton, isn't it?" Tyler asks finally. "What?" I sniffle. "You miss him," he looked down at his feet. "I can see it. You miss him like I missed you." He sighed. "Yeah, I miss him. He was my best friend, Tyler. We did everything together." He nodded, sadly. "Yeah, everything." He mumbled. "No, Tyler, it's not like that," I lied. "There's something I have to tell you," he was interrupted by a helicopter landing right next to us. A girl with blonde hair was wearing a helmet and yelled, "GET IN!"
