Young Love (Gabentine Fics)

Some Guy In A Suit

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT DICKS!"

If you're wondering why I'm currently shouting profanities while hauling ass down main street, why don't you ask the guy who looks like he eats steroids for a living chasing after me. My skin tight suit did nothing to protect me from the shit he kept throwing at me and could only flip him off as I sprinted in between the cars in the street and slid over the hoods.

"COME BACK HERE! I'M GOING TO FUCKING FUCK YOU UP, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

"Nice vocabulary, but I really don't put out before the first date buddy! I enjoy a nice steak and garlic potato dinner!"

"AGGHHHH, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

If the impressively muscular man wasn't pissed before, I can guarantee that steam is probably rolling out of his ears by now. I make a sharp turn and head down a dead end alley, the muscle monster right on my heels. I sigh and fall to my knees with my head hanging low in shame as he approached me.

"Please, don't kill me. I promise I'll do leg day next week and double up the weights on the bench! Just please think about my children!"

I started crawling over to the mans legs and gripping his gym shorts in despair as I began wailing loudly. This only seemed to piss off the Roid Rhino even more as he aggressively grabbed my mask and head in his big meaty hands.

"You should've thought about that before fucking wrecking my car, you little prick! Now, I'm going to teach you lesson you'll never forget!"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't harass women walking down the street with your stupid catcalls and yelling at them."

Before Roid Rager smashed his fist upside my head, I yanked down his shorts and rolled away from him as he scrambled to pull up his clothing. I cackled at the sight of him going commando and pointed at lower half.

"Holy shit! HA! Did you get a sex change with a tic tac? Dude, did no one tell you that's what happens when you take roids? "

Roger Roid's head turned purple from how mad he was getting and I quickly decided that it was time for me to blow this Popsicle stand. Wait, that sounds so wrong because I just de-pantsed this guy. Okay, it's time I make like a tree and leave. Hehehe, I crack myself up sometimes.

Crack!

It felt like my head was disconnected from my body as Roy The Roidster walloped the side of my head with his sledgehammer for hands. I looked up at him as my vision started to blur and I felt myself losing consciousness.

"Oh God! I don't wanna go yet! I'm not ready to face my father in Hell! Agony, death, and scene!"

I started reaching towards the sky and dramatically sprawled my arms and legs out before finally passing out.

"Hey, mister! Are you okay?"

I felt little hands start poking me in the ribs and my body automatically cringed up as I started to laugh.

"Ahahaha! That tickles! Who's tickling me? I give! I give!"

I raise up my head to see a little boy leaning down with his little hands still poking and prodding my body. The rest of my body leans up and the kid hops off before giving me a sideways glance.

"Mom told me not to talk to strangers, but she didn't say anything about tickling them."

"Your mom is right about you not talking to strangers and I'll kick your little ass if you tickle me again. By the way, where is your mom?"