It Was Never Really Goodbye - Gilmore Girls

Chapter 12

Rory woke up Saturday morning and immediately knew where she was. It wasn't that she remembered right away or had been there before, but she knew exactly whose arms were wrapped around her and her heart hurt immediately. The first thing she knew was that she had to get out.

Very delicately, she slipped out of Logan's arms and tried to ignore the increasing pain. She grabbed her dress and anything else she could find. She slipped out of the apartment and got out of the building before she had to find a trash can and threw up anything that was left in her stomach from the night before. It wasn't the booze...she knew that much. She hailed a cab, slipped into her apartment, and back out again.

She was trying to move as quickly as possible without actually thinking or having to talk to anyone. She knew where she was headed. There was only one person that she could talk to about this...the woman that passed on her relationship limitations in the first place.

So a few hours after waking up in the arms of the one man that she swore she never would again, she pulled up outside her mom's house. She knew Luke would be at the diner. She walked up and straight through the front door. "Mom?"

"Rory?" Lorelai yelled from the kitchen.  She walked in and saw her mom sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.  She hugged her tightly.  "Everything ok?"

Rory felt the tears already, "no."

"Well...is this my 'I told you so' moment?"

"Maybe."

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Lorelai watched her daughter.  She had always known that this moment would come, she just didn't know when.  When she told her about the new job, she knew it would be within the year.  Now, she knew it was here.  At the risk of sounding like a sappy romantic, Logan Huntzberger was for Rory what Luke was for her.  No matter what separated them, something would always pull them back together. 

The hardest part was waiting for Logan and Rory to figure it out.  She didn't want to push them, they had to figure it out for themselves.   She waited for Rory to figure out what she wanted to say...she had learned that you couldn't push Rory Gilmore.  That was one of the worse Gilmore traits that she inherited, when someone pushes, you push back twice as hard. 

"I slept with him last night."

Lorelai was a little shocked at that.  She didn't agree with Rory's casual sex life.  The only thing it really did was guard her from getting her heart hurt.  She had been so broken after Logan, and then the Jess thing just made it worse.  She hunkered down for a lonely life and tried to commit to it.  Lorelai recognized it because she had tried to do the same thing for years.

"Are you going to say anything?"

She smiled, "what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know!  How did I let this happen?"

"I assume that there was alcohol..."

Rory rolled her eyes, "I can't let this happen again.  We can't do this.  I won't be that girl that just keeps going back for more hurt."

"Does it have to hurt?"

"I don't think I can do it.  He's not the problem mom.  Maybe I'm just too messed up."

Lorelai's heart was breaking for her daughter.  She had wondered how damaged Rory really was from it all and now she had her answer.  "Rory, just because you got hurt before, that doesn't mean you will now."

"I can't do this right now.  Do you mind if I lay down?"

"That's fine.  The nursery has a good recliner or you can take the couch.  I have to waddle over the inn and check on things.  Get some rest, it'll help."

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Luke walked into his house to find Rory asleep on the couch.  He tried not to make noise, but she walked into the kitchen a few minutes later anyway.  "Sorry, Rory.  I tried to be quiet."

"It's ok."  She walked over and gave him a hug.

"It's good to see you.  Your mom said you're doing some soul searching...does this have anything to do with your new boss?"

"Doesn't it always have something to do with Logan?"

He chuckled, "ya.  Can I help?"

"I don't know...how did you and mom finally get to the finish line?"

"Well that's easy, I knocked her up and then forced her to marry me."

"Luke!"

He smiled, it was funny how all it took was thinking of the baby and his wife to make him unbelievably happy.  "Alright, I won't claim to be that smart.  But, honestly, the baby was the final wake up call for me.  We went through so much, but we kept coming back together.  And the love that kept pulling us back together, pain or no pain, actually produced this little...miracle.  I realized that if something so great could come out of all the pain that we caused ourselves and each other over the years, that it was time to get married.  It was time to take that final step and make it permanent.  I realized that I was never going to let her go again.  Lorelai has been it for me ever since I finally kissed her in front of the inn.  And you, Rory, have always been partly mine too.  I don't care what anyone else says."

She hugged Luke and let the tears fall.  "Oh god Luke.  I always knew that.  What am I going to do?  What did you do?"

"Well, I never told a soul, but after your graduation when we got back together, I started seeing a therapist.  I knew I had to work through things in order to let the past go.  Your mom doesn't even know, but it just helped me figure out how to process things better."

"Really?"

"Really.  I'll never be perfect, but if I can be better for your mom, you bet your ass I'm gonna do everything I can to be better for her."

"Wow."

"What do you feel for Logan?"

"I think I'm still in love with him."

"Are you willing to fight like hell to keep him?"

"I don't know."

"Then that's the question you have to answer first."  Luke knew that it was going to be hard on Rory.  He also knew that it was time someone said it.  He liked Logan.  Logan treated Rory well, and he knew that they could really build a life together.  It was time for Rory to decide if she would let herself have that.