It Was Never Really Goodbye - Gilmore Girls

Chapter 15

Rory just stared at Logan.  She didn't know how to react.  "Why?"

He looked her in the eyes, "what do you mean 'why'?"

"Why, after everything, do you still love me?  We have done so many stupid things over the years.  I slept with you last weekend, Logan, and then disappeared!  How can you possibly love me?  Hate...I would totally understand, but love?  I couldn't possibly deserve that."

"And I'm blameless?"

"Maybe not, but I am so screwed up Logan.  I thought my mom had issues...turns out I capitalized on hers and then doubled them...I've started seeing a counselor."

"And?"

"And I feel like everything we talk about is everything I already know, but I don't know how I'm supposed to fix it."

"Isn't that why you're talking to someone?"

"It is, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of time.  Logan, I don't think that I can be in a relationship while I work on myself.  I'm worried I may never be able to be in one again."

"Just answer me one question then?"

She was nervous...this probably wasn't going to be one of those easy questions like her date of birth or address, but she nodded anyway.

"Do you feel the same way about me?"

She held back a sob.  As much as it hurt, as much as everything in her mind, and her heart, swayed from one side to the other, she knew she would always love Logan Huntzberger.  Tears started falling down her cheeks, and she managed to whisper an answer, "yes.  I don't think I'll ever stop loving you."

"Then you take the time that you need.  I am not going to let you forget how I feel. I'm going to tell you so much that you'll probably get tired of hearing it, Ace.  But if, and hopefully when, you're ready for this...us, I'm gonna need you to fight like hell because I'm going to fight like hell once you give me the green light.  It's going to be hard, but I'm going to do my best not to push you until then." 

Through her tears, she saw on his face how much he was hurting.  Over the years, she hadn't really considered that he had been in as much pain as she was.  She realized now that that was because she was mad as hell at him too. Now, she knew that he had hurt like her.  "Why?"

"Because I love you."

She smiled through the tears, "I don't deserve you, but I love you too."

He rounded the kitchen counter and held her in his arms.  He kissed the top of her head, "it doesn't matter what either one of us deserves.  If we can make this work, then we're going to."

After awhile, they finally let each other go and talked about lighter things.  When she was ready to go home, he called Frank to take her but didn't try to join her.  She thanked him for everything the night before and today.  He hugged her and told her he loved her, then kissed her on top of her head and pushed her out the door. 

She was still confused on the ride home.  She had never viewed theirs as some epic love story before.  She definitely wasn't special, but she now knew what she had always suspected, Logan was truly one of a kind.  Whatever she did to win his heart wasn't nearly enough.  If he could be patient while she chased down her demons, then she would do everything in her power to make sure he knew how much she loved and appreciated him. 

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Logan wasn't sure if he felt better or worse after the conversation with Rory.  He definitely hadn't planned on telling her that he still loved her.  He always knew that a big problem in their relationship was not communicating enough though, so he finally decided to lay it all out for her.  Maybe knowing how he really felt could help her work through everything she was struggling with. 

After convincing himself to let that be for the day, he realized that Honor was probably wondering why he hadn't visited yet.  Then he realized that he would have to tell her about Rory.  That wasn't going to be easy.  Honor had always loved Rory, but after their messed up history, she had sided with her baby brother.

He had been playing with his niece for a little while when she finally asked about work.  "Work is good.  It's a lot to take on, but you wouldn't believe how good Marge is at managing everything.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  The fact that she put up with dad for so long is amazing on its own."

He glanced at her and could tell she was waiting for more, but when he didn't continue, she finally asked the rest, "and working with Rory?"

He hesitated, not sure of what he should tell her.  Finally, he decided to start in and just see where they got with it.  "It's great.  She's an extremely hard worker.  Dad was right about her."

"You haven't struggled with that line?"

"What line?"

"The line of still being in love with her but not showing it."

"Honor..."

"That's not denying it.  Logan, I know you, you still love her."

"I do.  And I told her today actually."

"You have got to be kidding me!  It's only been a few weeks Logan!"

"We had an event last weekend, we got drunk, we slept together, things got fucked up.  We finally talked today, though, I had to tell her.  She had to know it all, Honor."

"Why?  Has she ever actually earned it?"

"Honor..."

"Logan, I loved her, she did right by you for a time, but then she let herself and everything else scare her away and she screwed the both of you up royally.  Can you deny that?"

"No."

"So why go back for more?"

"Because she's the love of my life!  Is there anything you wouldn't do for Josh?"  She sat there with her mouth shut, and he could tell she was fuming.  "Josh is your husband, and, no matter what anyone else might say, you two are right for each other.  So, wouldn't you keep trying no matter how many things got in the way?  No matter how many times one or both of you fucked it up?  That's what it is when you find the one your meant to be with, right?"

She finally nodded, "don't cuss in front of Sienna."

"Honor, I know you want to protect me, but this thing with Rory will probably never be over...not really.  I know that now and if she is ever ready, I'm going to take that chance...every time."

"Ok."

"Now, what's going on with you? You've been edgy ever since I got here."

"Well, how do you feel about another niece or nephew running around?"

He grinned. He had suspected that this announcement would be coming soon, and he couldn't be happier. "Really? Congrats sis! I'm so happy for you guys. How's Josh doing with it?"

"He's over the moon. Sienna is just getting to the right age. And I finally feel like it's right. I love being a mom, Logan. Who would have thought after everything we grew up with?"

They continued talking for awhile. Logan couldn't quite grasp how his sister had embraced family life so easily, but he was incredibly happy for her.