It Was Never Really Goodbye - Gilmore Girls

Chapter 13

When Logan woke up, he immediately knew that he was alone in his bed and probably alone in his apartment.  He wasn't exactly surprised...it's not like he planned last night.  He got up and took a shower, reluctantly washing the smell of his Ace off of his body.  He didn't know where to go from here.  There was so much water under the bridge.  Rory was always going to be the love of his life. 

He finished showering and got dressed, then he called the one person that he knew would be a sounding board for him. 

"Morning Logan."

"Hey Finn, you up for breakfast?"

"Sure.  Solo?"

"Round up the other two if you can.  See you in thirty."  He hung up and debated what to do about her.  He wanted to know that she was at least safe and sound, but how could he do that when she obviously didn't want to talk to him?  He decided to wait and see what the guys said.

They met at the usual diner that was like another home for them in the city.  The guys were waiting patiently for him, everyone had their coffee and one was waiting for him in his spot as well. 

"Out with it, mate."

"I slept with her."  None of them really looked shocked.  "She was gone when I woke up this morning."  They sat in silence for a bit.  After a couple more minutes, he finally managed to get out what he had been dying to ask Finn but knew he shouldn't.  "Did she call you Finn?"

"No."  Finn looked worried, which worried Logan even more.

"Can you check on her?  I just need to know that she's physically ok..."

Finn nodded and pulled out his phone.  They ordered and then Logan saw the phone buzz.  "She's good."

Logan let out a sigh of relief, "thanks."

Robert finally spoke, "so what now?"

He shook his head.  That was the same question that he had been asking himself.  "She obviously doesn't want what happened between us."

Colin shook his head, "she doesn't want anything meaningful."  Finn made a noise and Colin glared at him.  "Shut it, Finn, you're partly to blame."

Logan looked at them, confused, "how is this his fault?"

"They get each other laid," Robert scoffed.

Finn kicked one of them under the table and shook his head.

"What does that mean?" Logan asked.

Finn shook his head and looked down. "She's my wingman, I'm hers."

"Is that it?"

"She doesn't do relationships. She's scared of the pain."

"And?" Logan sensed that Finn was holding something back, and Colin and Robert were still glaring at him.

"We slept together once. Drunk off our bloody asses and didn't remember it the next morning. Swore it wouldn't happen again."

Logan sat quietly. Their food arrived, but everyone sat still. He finally found his voice enough to ask, "is that all?"

Finn nodded. "We're best mates, man, that's it. The sleeping together was horrifically awkward for both of us, and we didn't want to repeat anything like it ever again. I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt either friendship."

Logan nodded. They seemed to sense that he wanted to drop that particular subject, so they started eating.

"So she left without a word?" Colin asked.

"Ya. Probably scared shitless. I hate that. What happened to us?"

"How do you feel about her?" Finn was watching him closely as he searched for the right answer.

"I love her, always have, always will, but I won't do this if she's not completely on board. Not a chance."

"So what now?"

"I guess we try to keep going as before and ignore it."

"What if she did want more?" Robert asked.

"Then she'll have to fight like hell for it. I won't be ok with waking up alone again."

They heard the finality in his voice and seemed to know that he couldn't handle much more talk about it, so one of them changed the subject.

By the time he made it home that day, he felt like he had done a pretty good job of ignoring his feelings on the subject.  The truth was, he had been extremely disappointed when he woke up alone.  He wasn't all that surprised, he knew Rory had changed a lot.  He didn't know that she had made casual sex such a part of her life, but he understood it.

He felt himself getting angry over it all, along with a whole other range of emotions mixed in.  He decided to go to the gym and work off the frustration.  When he returned to his apartment hours later, he felt drained of everything.  That was what he would be thankful for at the moment.

When he woke up the next morning, he realized that it was time to leave her alone. If she decided that she wanted him...wanted them, he would probably be helpless to resist her, but, for now, he was going to act like nothing happened. It would be best for both of them. Maybe it would save him more pain in the end too.

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Rory spent the rest of the weekend in a room at the Dragonfly. Lorelai had offered, and she accepted so that she could be alone. When Monday morning came, she still wasn't sure how she was going to face Logan. He had never called or texted. Somehow, that had disappointed her, but she tried to brush it off. After all, she deserved it, didn't she?

She was sure of a couple things though...she was deathly scared of hurting like she had after she turned down his proposal and she still loved him deeply.  If push came to shove, she would tell him that, but the most important thing she was sure of after talking to Luke was that she needed help.  She had already made an appointment with a counselor for this afternoon.  It was time to figure this out once and for all. 

When she walked in, Marge was sitting at her desk and when Rory looked at her all she did was nod.  She walked into Logan's office and took a deep breath.