It Was Never Really Goodbye - Gilmore Girls

Chapter 16

Rory decided that if she had any chance at becoming the person that Logan deserved, she would have to deal with her past once and for all.  The first person that she needed to talk to in order to do that was the one that it all started with. 

Dean graduated from college a few years ago.  He started working for a construction company in Hartford and worked his way up.  It didn't take long, because he loved the hard work and was good with numbers too.  He was now a partner in the company.  He had also gotten married to his college sweetheart, and they just had a little boy together.

She didn't really keep in touch with him, so she was pleasantly surprised when he agreed to meet for coffee.

He walked into the coffee shop and pulled her in for a hug, "it's good to see you."

"You too, Dean. How are things?"

They sat down, and he grinned at her. "Everything's great! Life is...great. How about you? This was a little...out of the blue..."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "It is, and I'm sorry about that. Things are...all mixed up right now. I'm all mixed up right now. That's why I called...I'm trying to work on myself and my relationship issues. I was hoping that you might be able to help me."

"Ok...how?"

"Well, you were my first relationship...my first love...and I screwed it up...more than once. I seem to be really good at that. I guess...I'm not even sure what I'm asking."

"I think I get it. Rory...you and I started out on the same page. We were young and needed each other. The thing is, you were always looking towards your goals and the future and what came next. We started in the same place, but it didn't take long and you were way ahead. It took me a long time to realize that we didn't want the same things in life. It's hard to let go of your first love. We both struggled for a long time with that. Something that I don't think you realized was that you were always straddling that line between Stars Hollow life and Hartford society life. Your mom and your grandparents didn't help with that. I'm not sure if you ever really figured out where you fit in all that, did you?"

She thought about what he said, and she could tell that he had thought a lot about this. "How did you figure this out?"

He looked down, "I was in a bad place after we broke up that last time. I always hated Jess and never understood why you picked him over me before. Then I saw you with those guys at your grandparents house that night, and you looked so happy. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I didn't really fit there. I know I could have if it was supposed to work, but we had already drifted so far apart...the gap between us just seemed way too big. It took me some time to really figure out what I wanted in life. When I did get there, I finally understood that we just weren't the right ones for each other. I tried to take all of that pain from what happened between us and be better because of it."

"Wow."

"Does it help?"

"I don't know yet, honestly."

"Are you doing this for yourself or someone else?"

"Hmmm...a little bit of both I guess?"

"Jess?"

"No! That ran its course awhile ago." She wasn't sure if she wanted to admit it or not but finally decided to be honest. "I took a job with HPG, and it brought Logan and I back into each other's lives. I've made it a point to stay away from relationships...one night stands only."

He looked a little surprised, "that's not you Rory."

"It is...it saves me from pain. The problem is, I'm still in love with Logan."

"How does he feel?"

"He loves me."

"Does he want a relationship?"

She nodded, "he does, but I hurt him. I won't go back to him again unless I quit being afraid and can put everything I have into it."

"There are no guarantees Rory...ever. A real relationship is mostly just two people who refuse to give up on each other. If you want it bad enough...if you love each other enough...you will both fight for it. Sometimes it's going to feel like all you're doing is fighting to keep it, but if you both give it all you've got...you can't lose. It's not easy, but it is definitely worth it."

"Really? Kinda sounds like hell."

He smiled at her and shook his head. "It's actually pretty amazing Rory. Julia and I both went through things before getting together. In some ways, it made it harder, but, in others, it was easier. We realized that we were ready to fight for it together...that we would both fight like hell for it."

"Fight like hell, huh? Sounds like what Logan told me earlier."

"He sounds pretty smart. If he loves you, he can't be stupid."

She rolled her eyes and laughed, "really? I think he might be."

"Come on Rory, you have this way about you that draws men in. You always have. You watched your mom, though, and I think you tried to protect yourself from the things that she went through, partly because you lived through that pain with her. You just have to stop being afraid."

"I don't know if I can."

"Can you live without Logan? And I don't mean survive, I mean live."

"I don't think I can."

"Then you better figure out how to fight."

She got up and met him for a hug. "Thank you so much, Dean."

"You're welcome Rory. Take care."

She watched him walk out of the coffee shop, but she stayed with her coffee and thoughts for awhile. Logan was ready to fight, but was she?