The first out-and-proud gay kid she meets is named Kevin and he's pretty alright, she supposes. She'd expected different — or, well, she expected what her mother had said to them. Penelope had heard whisperings of the 'gay eighth grader' in Cheryl's class and she'd told her some pretty terrible things about him; how Kevin is going straight to hell, how he's depraved and disgusting, that it's not what God intented for men to do, these unnatural things.
Funny thing is, Penelope hasn't stepped foot in a church ever in her life, so what would she know about God? And hell? Cheryl's pretty sure Penelope's going to hell, in the deepest parts of it, because Cheryl remembers going to church once and the pastor saying that the Bible instructs parents to love their kids and Penelope sometimes won't even look at her. So.
"It says Fogarty." Kevin tells her, proudly, when she asks about his tattoo during P.E. They're the only ones not running the mile with the rest of the class but the teacher won't tell them anything. He stops in front of the basketball hoops and pulls his shirt up a little. Right above the right side of his hip, sure enough, is the word Fogarty. Cheryl scrunches up her nose.
"What kind of name is Fogarty?"
"A cool name. Exotic." Kevin defends, tugging his shirt down again and leading the way towards the soccer field. Some people are finishing up already, directly across from them, but Cheryl could care less.
"How do you know it's a guy?" Cheryl asks, stomach squeezing for some reason. She's afraid of saying the wrong thing, she supposes. That's why her stomach is hurting and she's sweating a little bit.
"I just know. I have a feeling, you know? I know it's a guy and he's going to be really cute," Kevin turns to her, eyes blue and bright in the harsh afternoon sun, "what's yours say?"
"Toni." Cheryl answers easily, smoothly.
"Sounds gender-neutral." Kevin kicks a stone off the pavement and it rolls into the grass. It's been watered recently. Cheryl's going to get her new sneakers muddy and wet and her mother will probably throw them in her face when she find out, call her selfish and ungrateful.
"What do you mean?" Cheryl asks even though she knows exactly what he means.
"Well, Toni could be a boy or girl's nickname. Is it an 'i' at the end, or a 'y'?"
Cheryl's entire body tenses because she'd thought about this, too. Many times. Every night. She'd voiced her concerns to Jason in the middle of seventh grade, when she'd met a girl named Toni in her english class. She was pretty. She was pretty and her skin was golden and her eyes a beautiful, soft brown. Her smile made Cheryl's stomach squeeze in on itself and —
Her boyfriend had showed up at one point, proudly sporting the name Toni on his neck. His name was Joseph and his name was on Toni's ankle. Cheryl had herself transferred out of the class and never spoke to her again.
Maybe it's a girl Cheryl, Jason had told her that night. He'd found her sobbing into her sheets because maybe it's a girl maybe it's a girl maybe it's a girl and what if I'm gay what if I'm gay oh god I might be gay and my mom will murder me, she will.
I don't want it to be, Cheryl had mumbled, snot in her throat and drippling onto her lips, I don't want it to be. Haven't you heard mother? How she talks about... them? She'll kill me, Jason. I-I can't be. I'm not.
She doesn't have to know, Jason responded, voice as soothing as the hand currently rubbing circles on Cheryl's back.
She'll find out. She always does. Jason– She had hugged him then. She hugged him long and tight and she probably left tears on his silk pajamas but he didn't seem to mind, just hugged her tighter.
Jason wipes her tears away when she pulls back, a little smile playing at his lips. The knowing smile.
Hey. You're my soulmate, remember? I'm here to protect you, Cheryl wraps her arms around him again and he murmurs his next words into her hair, I'll always protect you.
Kevin seems to notice the turmoil going on inside her because he just shrugs, then, and offers her an easy smile, "Well, we'll see I guess."
He launches into a converstation about some gang his dad, the sheriff, had a violent encounter with at work and it's nice. Kevin's not pushing her or demanding anything from her... Just him talking and Cheryl listening. It's great.
And so — Kevin becomes her new best friend. She doesn't tell her mother. Cheryl doesn't tell her mother lots of things.
YOU ARE READING
Sick of losing soulmates (Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz)
Fanfiction"Toni looks at her - like, really looks at her - long and hard and then she nods as if she understands, as if all of Cheryl's secrets are written all over her face and it just took someone to look closer than usual to discover them all." Or; you hav...
