Cheryl comes out of the scalding hot shower in the pajamas Toni had packed for her; shorts and an old oversized shirt that reads FLORIDA with some faded oranges under it. She lingers at the bathroom door, watches Toni get the bed ready for them.
She'd spent the half hour in the shower thinking — there's a question she has to ask even though she's pretty sure she knows the answer already; a part of her always has, Cheryl supposes.
"Can I see your tattoo?" She asks, voice barely above a whisper. She isn't sure Toni even heard her but then the shorter girl stops struggling with the sheets, straightens up, and then turns to Cheryl. She makes her way over to Cheryl, slowly, as if drowning out the moment.
"That's private."
Cheryl rolls her eyes but there's no hiding the nervous flush spreading across her face. She feels stupid. Of course she's Toni's soulmate. Of fucking course they're soulmates. Cheryl's one hundred percent sure but she still needs to see it, to run her fingers over her own name tattooed on Toni's skin.
"I'll show you mine." Cheryl replies, quirking an eyebrow. She feels like she's in elementary school again, when the kids who liked each other showed each other their tattoos. Two times out of ten, they'd be a match.
Toni studies her for another second and then she pulls her shirt up, just like that. Cheryl swallows, looks down — finds the tattoo under her left breast. In cursive letters, there it is:
Cheryl.
She touches it, gently, with her thumb and runs the pad of her fingers across the letters. Cheryl feels Toni's sharp intake of breath in reaction and she feels like a thousand pound weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
She's Toni's soulmate.
"Behind my left shoulder," Cheryl says after a moment, "my tattoo. It's behind my left shoulder."
Cheryl turns around, height difference not as obvious because Toni's still wearing heels and Cheryl's wearing pink, striped fuzzy socks. Toni is gentle with her; like Cheryl's a porcelain doll and she'll crack under the slightest bit of pressure. With the week she's just had, she sort of is.
Toni pulls the neckline of the already baggy shirt down and it slides down easily, exposing her bare shoulder. Cheryl can feel Toni's breath on her neck and she closes her eyes, focuses on that. She's nervous even though it doesn't make any sense at all. It's not like her tattoo changed overnight to say someone else's name. It's Toni. It's always been Toni.
"You knew, didn't you?" Cheryl asks, voice raising an octave when Toni presses a kiss on the tattoo. Her lips are so soft and full and Cheryl wants them pressing against her own again instead. "You knew we were soulmates."
Cheryl turns around now, lets herself be led onto the bed. She lies on her side and Toni joins her, heads on pillows directly across from each other.
"Not exactly," Toni slips a hand under her own head, making herself comfortable, "I knew that you were my soulmate. Since the bar, I think."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
Toni shifts, pulls the blanket over both of them.
"Because. I didn't know if I was your soulmate. There's all these stories about one-sided soulmates and I didn't want to risk... us, I guess. I just... I wanted to be close to you in any way, whether it be as friends or as... lovers. All I knew was that you were meant to be in my life and that I was – am – meant to love you. I'd accept it in whatever form it came."
God. Cheryl loves this girl. She really fucking does. Toni is so — she's just.
She's.
There's no words to properly express how amazing Toni Topaz is and how much Cheryl appreciates her, so. So Cheryl kisses her. She lunges forward and clumsily presses their lips together and Toni takes it in stride, cupping Cheryl's neck and pulling her close into her. Cheryl could do this forever, she really could, but there are still things she needs to say.
"I'm sorry," Cheryl mumbles against Toni's lips as she pulls away, "I'm sorry that it took me so long. I was scared of messing it up or losing you, or, I don't know. I was just so scared and maybe if I hadn't been, we'd be together already and all of this wouldn't have happened."
Toni is stroking her cheek and Cheryl can feel the tears stinging her eyes so — so she pulls away. She doesn't want to cry anymore. She's cried enough. She's going to be happy now. She wants to be happy now.
"Don't apologize, okay? It's okay. It is. No one ever said this soulmate shit would be easy. At least you're here, yeah? You're here and that's all that matters to me — but God, Cheryl, I was so scared," Toni is pressing soft kisses all over Cheryl's face, tender ones that Cheryl will feel on her face for years to come; she presses a lingering one to the tip of Cheryl's nose and then she looks her in the eyes — "I was scared that I was going to lose you before... before I even had you."
Cheryl closes her eyes, focuses on Toni's hand cupping her face.
"Soulmates, remember? You always had me." Cheryl murmurs, smiling just a little. She knows Toni is smiling too. She can feel it.
Cheryl wants to say a lot more. She wants to say: You always had me, yes — and you always will. It's on the tip of her tongue, threatening to spill out of her — like all that time ago, with Heather, and she didn't want to say I love you because she wasn't sure if she did.
Well, Cheryl is sure now. She's sure about Toni. She's sure that she loves Toni, adores her, that she would do anything for her. Cheryl's never been so sure about anything in her life and she's not holding anything back anymore. Never again, she decides, so she opens her eyes, finds that Toni had already been studying her face. She meets her gaze, long and steady, and smiles. It's the first time she's smiled a genuine smile in a long time.
"You always will."
YOU ARE READING
Sick of losing soulmates (Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz)
Fanfiction"Toni looks at her - like, really looks at her - long and hard and then she nods as if she understands, as if all of Cheryl's secrets are written all over her face and it just took someone to look closer than usual to discover them all." Or; you hav...
