She cries the whole ride home. She cries and cries because her soulmate might be an annoying bartender from the Southside, maybe even a Serpent, and she never really saw this happening. Ever. She's relieved, she muses, relieved it's a girl and that she's pretty. All she's really thinking about is that Jason would love to hear about this, about Cheryl maybe possibly finding her soulmate in an overcrowded bar and how she reacted, by running away. He wouldn't resent her for finding her person. He'd be happy. He'd be happy and poke fun at her and tease her and then give her a big hug and tell her to go get your girl.
Cheryl presses her forehead against the steering wheel, car parked outside her house, and stays there for a while.
She doesn't deserve a soulmate and she sure as hell doesn't deserve to go and get the girl. She'll end up ruining it somehow, like she always does. She'll scare Toni away, or Toni will find her too bitchy, or maybe Toni's going to hear rumours she doesn't like and decide to stay as far away from Cheryl as possible.
There's always something and Cheryl doesn't want to get hurt again. She doesn't want to get left behind again, like Heather and Jason left her. Cheryl isn't sure she can handle that again; isn't sure she can survive any more heartbreak. She can literally feel the weariness in her bones, in her heart, in her mind.
She's just... She's so fucking tired.
///
Cheryl avoids Kevin on Monday and Tuesday. It's easy because Kevin sits in the back and Cheryl at the very front and also, instead of going to the cafeteria, she sits in the library leafing through a random assortment of poetry books. She feels like a child but, well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
"What'cha reading?"
The voice makes goosebumps appear all over Cheryl's arms and legs. She wishes it didn't.
"Virginia Woolf." Cheryl answers, not looking up.
She's such a stereotype — a lesbian reading lesbian love letters. It's whatever.
"Poetry? I took you as more of a romantic novel kind of girl."
Cheryl shrugs and Toni doesn't leave despite Cheryl's obviously irritated expression. Instead, Toni settles down onto the library floor right next to Cheryl, thighs touching. Cheryl clutches her book tighter.
"Read me something?"
Cheryl considers getting up and leaving. It'd be the easiest choice, y'know. To get up and leave Toni behind and never look back. It's what she knows she should do because doing otherwise, staying, would be stupid.
"How I suffer," Cheryl reads, voice barely a whisper, "and no one knows how much I suffer, walking up this street, engaged with my anguish — alone; fighting something alone."
Toni is silent for only a second and then she lets out a breath, crossing her arms– "You should try reading the gay letters. They're nicer."
Cheryl snaps the book shut and moves to get up because typical, typical that she tries to talk to someone and they brush it off easily, ignoring her, minimizing her problems.
Toni grabs her arm, though, and keeps her in place. Cheryl meets her eyes and, again, wishes something as simple as hand on arm and eyes looking at her like that didn't make her feel like she was floating in the clouds, basking in the warmth of the sun.
Calm. Warmth. Softness.
She hadn't felt like this in a while. She's missed it.
"Wait," Toni does a little smile and Cheryl settles down again, "I was kidding. Clearly you're in a lot of pain and... and I might not know why, or the whole story, or anything, but I do know that everyone needs to talk about what's going on in their lives so. So I guess what I'm saying is you can talk to me, if you want. Or we can just sit here on the dirty library floor in silence."
Cheryl studies Toni for a long moment, eyes roaming over eyebrows and eyelashes and nose and lips and the pink tips of her hair falling from out of her black beanie. Nothing — no malice. No hidden agenda. Toni genuinely cares about Cheryl and they've just met once before, for two minutes. It's not possible for someone to be like that, right? To just... care for people. For strangers.
"I have to get to class." Cheryl stands up, dizzy for a moment from the quick movement. She picks up her bag and her book, steps over Toni's legs, and is barely a few steps away when Toni speaks up again.
"See you around, Cheryl."
She stops in her tracks, shoulders rigid and air frozen inside her lungs. She knows her name. Toni knows her name.
Cheryl whirls around, book cradled to her chest. "How did you–"
"It wasn't that hard. You're literally the only redhead in this school." Toni stands up, now, dusting off her jeans with this haughty expression on her face.
"We are very rare."
"The most beautiful things usually are."
Cheryl decides in that moment that she hates Toni. She hates her for being so kind and effortlessly funny and she hates her smirk.
Cheryl hates her for being cheesy, too, and above all — above everything else, she hates the effect Toni has on her.
"Cheesy one-liners don't really work on me." Cheryl raises her chin, adding another inch to their noticeable height difference. Toni's so small and she's wearing heels, for God's sake. Ridiculous.
"You sure about that?" Is the last thing Toni says before brushing past her, making her way over to the exit. Cheryl watches her go.
YOU ARE READING
Sick of losing soulmates (Cheryl Blossom & Toni Topaz)
Fanfiction"Toni looks at her - like, really looks at her - long and hard and then she nods as if she understands, as if all of Cheryl's secrets are written all over her face and it just took someone to look closer than usual to discover them all." Or; you hav...
