Why the fuck do I have to be everyone's second choice? Why does everyone just use me to fill space until they find someone better? Why doesn't anyone actually want me? Is there something so wrong with me that makes everyone leave? Those are just a few questions that I end up asking myself almost every single day. I don't think that anyone has ever had or will ever have a genuine interest in me. I wish I knew why boys kissed me and used me for my nudes and took my virginity and finger fucked me and left hickeys on my neck then just completely left me for someone else. People disgust me in ways like that, because they only pretend to care to get something from you. I've only ever been in one real relationship and never with a boy. Maybe I just don't work with boys and only have the capability of fucking them. I'll figure it out. My best friend go from best friends to more to nothing within months. Maybe it's my fault for letting people be more than just friends. Maybe it's my fault for cuddling with and kissing my friends. Maybe I ruin everything by wanting platonic intimacy. I really hope not though because I crave attention from the people I care about both mentally and physically. I think that cuddling and kissing and hugging is completely innocent and should be normalized because people require it. I just wish it would end better.
